day entry

I am sitting typing near my favorite window, where the trees lift up their roof, and connect the room with thousands of leafy branches...right now they are drenched almost black from last night's rain, and the light is speckling through the very tops of the light green down to the ground...our stone wall is not as firm as it used to be, but still has that dry comfort that grey rocks give near the mossy floor...How shall I explain it?
I have been quite devoid of energy lately, nearing the end of summer and feeling like it never quite truly began...perhaps we really expect too much of summer during the school year...but then maybe others don't expect the summer to be the time when you organize and clean the garage, learn a foreign language, or teach yourself to paint...when you homeschool it's easy to view school year as extra-curricular activities full of orchestra and scholar's bowl team etcetera, that summer seems to be the only time you can actually learn everything you wanted too...but perhaps I am only revealing my habits, especially when I lack the discipline and patience required for excellence, hence my inability musically, artistically, physically, knowledgeably, poetically, linguistically, and culinary! Yet in each task, after my dogged determination to be disciplined, I inevitably fall prone to frustration in the mundane of repetition...even in writing...am I insane?
Before I make either of us so, I shall set a little poem I have written that shall hopefully have nothing to do with anything what I have said today.

We make silly rhymes and cry.
and when we finally try,
we find we cannot see sun
Without breaking it from one into one
thousand shattering pieces glittering
their bitter songs, shaking
our fears onto sky.
And we still ask why,
And find the pool of tears beneath
Reflecting the rippling answers back. 6-19, 6-20-09