VII

The Seventh Station:
Jesus Falls the Second Time

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider how the second fall of Jesus under His cross renews the pain in all the wounds of the head and members of our afflicted Lord. (Kneel)

R: My most gentle Jesus, / how many times You have forgiven me; / and how many times I have fallen again and begun again to offend You! / By the merits of this second fall, / give me the grace to persevere in Your love until death. / Grant, that in all my temptations, I may always have recourse to You. / I love You, Jesus, my Love with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

For the sins of His own nation
Saw Him hang in desolation
Till His spirit forth He sent.

VI

The Sixth Station:
Veronica Offers Her Veil to Jesus

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider the compassion of the holy woman, Veronica. Seeing Jesus in such distress, His face bathed in sweat and blood, she presented Him with her veil. Jesus wiped His face, and left upon the cloth the image of his sacred countenance. (Kneel)

R: My beloved Jesus, / Your face was beautiful before You began this journey; / but, now, it no longer appears beautiful / and is disfigured with wounds and blood. / Alas, my soul also was once beautiful / when it received Your grace in Baptism; / but I have since disfigured it with my sins. / You alone, my Redeemer, can restore it to its former beauty. / Do this by the merits of Your passion; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

Bruised, derided, cursed, defiled
She beheld her tender Child
All with bloody scourges rent.

V

The Fifth Station:
Simon Helps Jesus Carry the Cross

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider how weak and weary Jesus was. At each step He was at the point of expiring. Fearing that He would die on the way when they wished Him to die the infamous death of the cross, they forced Simon of Cyrene to help carry the cross after Our Lord. (Kneel)

R: My beloved Jesus / I will not refuse the cross as Simon did: / I accept it and embrace it. / I accept in particular the death that is destined for me / with all the pains that may accompany it. / I unite it to Your death / and I offer it to You. / You have died for love of me; / I will die for love of You and to please You. / Help me by Your grace. / I love You, Jesus, my Love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain
In that Mother's pain untold?

IV

The Fourth Station:
Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider how the Son met his Mother on His way to Calvary. Jesus and Mary gazed at each other and their looks became as so many arrows to wound those hearts which loved each other so tenderly (Kneel)

R: My most loving Jesus, / by the pain You suffered in this meeting / grant me the grace of being truly devoted to Your most holy Mother. / And You, my Queen, who was overwhelmed with sorrow, / obtain for me by Your prayers / a tender and a lasting remembrance of the passion of Your divine Son. / I love You, Jesus, my Love, above all things. / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never allow me to offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

Is there one who would not weep,
'whelmed in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold.

III

The Third Station:
Jesus Falls the First Time

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider the first fall of Jesus. Loss of blood from the scourging and crowing with thorns had so weakened Him that He could hardly walk; and yet He had to carry that great load upon His shoulders. As the soldiers struck Him cruelly, He fell several times under the heavy cross. (Kneel)

R: My beloved Jesus, / it was not the weight of the cross / but the weight of my sins which made You suffer so much. / By the merits of this first fall, / save me from falling into mortal sin. / I love You, O my Jesus, with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / May I never offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

Christ above in torment hangs
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying, glorious Son

II

The Second Station:
Jesus Accepts His Cross

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider Jesus as He walked this road with the cross on His shoulders, thinking of us, and offering to His Father in our behalf, the death He was about to suffer. (Kneel)

R: My most beloved Jesus, / I embrace all the sufferings You have destined for me until death. / I beg You, by all You suffered in carrying Your cross, / to help me carry mine with Your perfect peace and resignation. / I love You, Jesus, my love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me separate myself from You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

O, how sad and sore depressed
Was that Mother highly blessed
Of the sole Begotten One

I

The First Station:
Pilate Condemns Jesus to Die

V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)

R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)

V: Consider how Jesus Christ, after being scourged and crowned with thorns, was unjustly condemned by Pilate to die on the cross. (Kneel)

R: My adorable Jesus, / it was not Pilate; / no, it was my sins that condemned You to die. / I beseech You, by the merits of this sorrowful journey, / to assist my soul on its journey to eternity./ I love You, beloved Jesus; / I love You more than I love myself. / With all my heart I repent of ever having offended You. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.

(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)

Through her heart, His sorrow sharing
All His bitter anguish bearing
Now at length the sword has passed

st. alphonsus liguori's stations of the cross

Preparatory Prayer

(to be said kneeling before the altar)

ALL: My Lord, Jesus Christ, / You have made this journey to die for me with unspeakable love; / and I have so many times ungratefully abandoned You. / But now I love You with all my heart; / and, because I love You, I am sincerely sorry for ever having offended You. / Pardon me, my God, and permit me to accompany You on this journey. / You go to die for love of me; / I want, my beloved Redeemer, to die for love of You. / My Jesus, I will live and die always united to You.

At the cross her station keeping
Stood the mournful Mother weeping
Close to Jesus to the last

Easter: day 10

" My most usual method is this simple attention, an affectionate regard
for God to whom I find myself often attached with greater sweetness
and delight than that of an infant at the mother's breast. To choose
an expression, I would call this state the bosom of God, for the
inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there. If, at
any time, my thoughts wander from it from necessity or infirmity,
I am presently recalled by inward emotions so charming and delicious
that I cannot find words to describe them. Please reflect on my great
wretchedness, of which you are fully informed, rather than on the great
favors God does one as unworthy and ungrateful as I am.

As for my set hours of prayer, they are simply a continuation of the same
exercise. Sometimes I consider myself as a stone before a carver, whereof
He is to make a statue. Presenting myself thus before God, I desire Him to
make His perfect image in my soul and render me entirely like Himself. At
other times, when I apply myself to prayer, I feel all my spirit lifted
up without any care or effort on my part. This often continues as if it
was suspended yet firmly fixed in God like a center or place of rest.

I know that some charge this state with inactivity, delusion, and
self-love. I confess that it is a holy inactivity. And it would be a happy
self-love if the soul, in that state, were capable of it. But while the
soul is in this repose, she cannot be disturbed by the kinds of things
to which she was formerly accustomed. The things that the soul used to
depend on would now hinder rather than assist her.

Yet, I cannot see how this could be called imagination or delusion because
the soul which enjoys God in this way wants nothing but Him. If this is
delusion, then only God can remedy it. Let Him do what He pleases with me.
I desire only Him and to be wholly devoted to Him."

--Brother Lawrence,
from the 2nd letter; to a superior

Easter Monday

Happy Easter everyone!
I am glum for all my schoolwork that I have to do...there is no rest for the wicked!
I got to skip out of my Good Friday class and go to the Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service as well as a glorious candlelit midnight mass at our local Catholic church.
It was so wonderful; I fear that I am starved for liturgy--or Christianity for that matter!
My only regret is that I didn't get to go to the Maundy Thursday service or the all-night vigil...we tried, but got booted out after 5 minutes... I ponder converting to Catholicism, except that
1. I think it would be cowardly if all I wanted was security and comfort vs. religious conviction and theology
2. I dislike unstable converts with sharp eyes who have "seen the light" and instinctively know everything (i.e. about the world, G-d, and people) e.g. former Southern Baptists-to-Anglocatholicism, former Southern Baptists-to-Presbyterianism, former nominal Catholics-to-Southern Baptistsism, former nominal Catholics-to-Presbyterianism, former hippies-to-"devout" Catholicism, former hippies-to-"evangelical" protestantism--I think I just offended almost everyone I know! Disclaimer: this is not true for everybody, it is only commonly found in the above people that I have noticed. And I do think G-d has a place and purpose for everyone...despite my grievances.
3. I suspect happiness will not be what I think I want, and following our own happiness only will lead us only into more trouble unless that is where G-d wants us...
sigh.
OK, well, I gotta go.

holy week +

John 12
12:1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5 “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” 6 He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7 Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8 For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”

9 When the large crowd of the Jews learned that Jesus was there, they came, not only on account of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to put Lazarus to death as well, 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and believing in Jesus.

12 The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,

15 “Fear not, daughter of Zion;
behold, your king is coming,
sitting on a donkey's colt!”

16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.”

20 Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. 21 So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. 23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.

27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” 30 Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. 31 Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. 34 So the crowd answered him, “We have heard from the Law that the Christ remains forever. How can you say that the Son of Man must be lifted up? Who is this Son of Man?” 35 So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. 36 While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.”

When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. 37 Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 38 so that the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:

“Lord, who has believed what he heard from us,
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”

39 Therefore they could not believe. For again Isaiah said,

40 “He has blinded their eyes
and hardened their heart,
lest they see with their eyes,
and understand with their heart, and turn,
and I would heal them.”

41 Isaiah said these things because he saw his glory and spoke of him. 42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

44 And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. 45 And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. 46 I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. 47 If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. 48 The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. 49 For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”

Holy Week: day 34

I'm afraid I didn't memorize any psalms lately; instead, past bedtime and into the morning of Palm Sunday I obsessively read a biography of Marie Antoinette from the beginning of the book for a couple hours, then skipping to the end (which I almost never do) and found it was 2:40 am in the morning. After crying a bit and wandering around, I finally went to bed at 3:30, then I couldn't go to sleep even after 4, then I must've slept for 2 and a half hours and got up at 7:30 to go to church...
I don't know how long it's going to take to recover, I do feel so strange and unbalanced between being disturbed and content, between depressed and hopeful...

Earlier I wrote of Brother Lawrence's consolation to his troubled soul to decide that his eternity could not interfere with his present decision to love and follow God. Yet now I am troubled about those whose souls have passed away and about whose eternity I do not know...

I somehow have slight unbalance between my reason and the feelings of my intuition...I feel that somehow the story of one soul is the story of many--and even perhaps of the whole world. There are a few past souls who seem clear--like past emptiness and past completion; yet there are so many, who press our hearts with the sympathetic uncertainty of "swinging between the heaven gate and the hell gate"--the struggle between self-love and the alluring love of the world; and of the self-abandoning, seemingly impossible love for God.

History is partly looking from eternity upon the final decisions of men; yet the past is also in a present and undetermined state--there is a hidden and final determination of each ending that shall make the unbalanced and incomplete things fair.

Reading a story of a struggling soul feels like trying to "hold water in your hand", or praying for an baby to be born...left not knowing the outcome, and wondering if it is might be your own.
And this not just a story of one soul, but of many, of nations, and even in a strange way--the world.