Choose your destiny of Hope

You hem me in behind and before
and lay your hand upon me. (psalm 139:5)

When I did not give my mind to God, I seemed to suffer from both thinking I could turn Holiness on and off like a switch when I pleased as well as fearing that I was not chosen else I would not be trapped by myself or my desire to sin.
St. Paul says "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (Romans 7:15)
I, believing in the Holy Trinity, thought: if I am chosen I will desire God, if I desire God than I am chosen. If I knew God then I would desire Him, and if I desired God then I would know Him. Faith and Love are connected. But what if I am not in that circle of grace? Then Hope. Did I desire to desire? Then if I asked God to desire Him, I had chosen Him. What is this that is neither love nor knowledge? This willingness? It is the Hope that the Holy Spirit gives.
The fear of not being Predestined was calmed for me only when I realized that I and Everything really do belong to Him, and that only when I believed a lie--that I could choose to be like God and choose my way(bad free will)--did I realize that only those who want to be their own God really become it--and reject the Sovereignty of God, and the grace of God.
We all belong to God, to give Him our mind and bodies, but we are trapped in the lies of the devil--that we belong to ourselves. Free will and Predestination are only at odds with each other when there is sin, which is slavery and a lie. How can you be both a slave and be lying? No, there is an anti-trinity of fatalism&the lie of "choice"&sin, and the Holy Trinity of Faith, Hope, and Love.
Free will is not free if it is not God's will. Predestination is not God's will if it is sin.
Why this paradox? Because we have false knowledge, false desire, and false flesh.
Only when we recognize that we are caught by God, that we are His children--do we realize that we can rest in choosing Him. Not "I'll choose godliness later, after..." or "I chose You before--I can get You back" but "God chose me at Baptism, Christ will take me to heaven--I am His, and therefore I must please the Holy Spirit, who is my comforter and helper."

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me
it is high; I cannot attain it.(psalm 139:6)

The Freudian slip (and why we should pray)

Even before a word is on my tongue,
Behold O Lord, you know it altogether. (139:4, ESV)

Words are complex things

I think this psalmist knew about the "Freudian slip" before Freud. What we intend to say--or think we intend to say--is not always what comes out to others. As Freud pointed out, what we think we want to say is not always as true as what you say.

1.what we intend to say (our reason) 2.what other people think we are saying (truth or filter) 3.What we are really saying. Once you say something you bounce off someone else's reaction, and think "Was that what I meant to say?" and "Why are my words making me look bad?" Or "Did I just say what the other person wanted to hear?" or "Why did I reveal so much bitterness and anger?" Ahh...talking to other people can get really messy. I have spent many nights awake saying "NOOO..." and rethinking, "Is this my fault or theirs?"....And sometimes--though rarely discovered--it is neither persons' or all because it is G-d's. For those who are not Presbyterian, let me explain.

Freud's Uncontrolled Data

There are uncontrolled data thrown in our mess of talking (a.k.a. G-d). This is generally credited when you gave a really amazing testimony you didn't intend or said something so beautiful that you wanted to write it down.
We know things must work opposite too, like when you were trying to prepare an important testimony, have Bible study, a prayer session, or non-Christian friend you are trying to witness to and you lose your temper or something and say the "wrong things." OK so the devil works against us through our own weaknesses (or bizarre disastrous events) or against us through other people who "think we said blah" when we didn't. (unfortunately many liberals are subject to hearing things that nobody said but implied. e.g. what you said: "but doing blahblah is not a good thing" what they hear: "You said G-d hates blah and that you want to kill blah!" ?)
Then there are those times the Freudian slip didn't make sense, and you wanted to blame the devil, like when you wanted something so bad and something happened through your incredible mouth that seemed to "ruin" your incredible plans? Like when you were trying to impress someone (a career, possible love-interest, possible friendship etc.) and you said something you normally didn't say--something that later worked for the better? AHA, G-d can interfere with even our own words sometimes to our present dismay but always to our later joy.

Yes, it's me and them and G-d, and G-d assures us that He knows all these factors.
Which leads us to ask if G-d knows everything, why pray?

Need we pray?
How come G-d knows what we want even before we ask Him--but He desires that we speak?

If you think that is odd think about this:

1. In the garden of Eden G-d breathed into Adam and then gave him an order to name all the creatures, BUT G-d already spoke the creatures into existence AND G-d speaks to Adam apparently every day. Does G-d speak the same language (or does this even matter?) to Adam, and if so, why does He command that Adam name the creatures when G-d already did?

2. In the New Testament, Jesus even tells this to disciples to pray right after he says that G-d already knows it:
“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this: Our Father..." (Matt6:7-9)

3. Finally, Jesus who is God (And says he is God), prays regularly notably in His last hours "Not my will but Yours be done" and sweats drops of blood in anguish over what He knows He has to do, He knows will be done, and knows that He will conquer death victoriously just as He told His disciples on numerous occasions.

And many more... Abraham argues with G-d over the destruction of Sodom (and kind loses but wins his request), Moses argues, Sarah scoffs, Hannah weeps, Mary questions, Zechariah denies, Jacob wrestles!, and so on.

Conclusion
G-d likes to talk, wants us to talk to Him, and likes to argue (if not, He'd let us win every time!) So pray. Amen.

You hem me in behind and before
and lay your hand upon me.
(ps 139:5)

Predestination vs. free will

Predestination vs. "free will" vs. the TRINITY

(This is a separation I have made on the basis of their faults--most people who say they are one type probably are a little bit of both, as you shall soon see.)

summary
P. G-d has total control over everything and time and has free will to predestine
fw. We are in time and choose G-d and have free will to do anything.

T. G-d can only do what is right, what is true. G-d cannot lie or sin. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He defines truth, He obeys truth, He is the truth.

contradictions:
P."G-d can do anything he wants" doesn't match with keeping covenants(can G-d break a promise?) and crucifixion (Jesus didn't have to die). (Allah can do anything)

fw. "I can choose G-d before I die" means you can choose heaven and thus be in control of it--not G-d (I can do anything for Allah--choose my suicide and salvation).

bad actions...
P. fatalism,blaming G-d for evil, no prayer...

fw. "choosing when to repent...i.e. choosing to sin", cheap grace, "justifying G-d" or reasoning away suffering, ("you deserved it"--no, actually you don't have to--read Job or Jesus.)

emphasized person of the trinity:
P.God the father: (omnipotent,omnipresent,omniscient--"irrational" concepts), seen from eternity. The observer--> the way things "should be"

fw.God the Son: morality, choosing G-d, reasoning within human concept of time.
The observed--> the way things actually appear to us

T: The knowledge of G-d, the love of G-d, and the life of obedience to G-d all individually support each other. This includes the observation-->the way things may appear change depending on who is seeing it. (To the pure, you show yourself pure, but to the perverse you show yourself crooked. psalm 18:26)

So what should you pray?
--if you obey G-d but don't feel any love, ask the Holy Spirit to give you love.
--if you want to obey but can't, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. He will.
--If you don't know what love feels like or what obedience looks like, pray that G-d will reveal it to you. (and go to church, and read the Bible etc.)

Trinity teaches us Holy fear (beta version)

"O Lord you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit and when I rise
You discern my thoughts from afar."
--psalm 139

+The time in between sitting and rising is when we think much alone, speak much to others, when we eat, when we are transported in travel, use the toilet, study, read, play an instrument, or work at a desk job. This most of the modern person's life--especially the thought life. This is very important to G-d, and how we serve Him.

+G-d is eternal and already has known us--when we shall die and where we shall go. We may become afraid at this, fearing hell, but this is only from one view of the trinity, and we interact with all three persons of Faith, Hope, and Love.
(or you can say that we only interact with the Spirit, and are seeing the Father's wrath, but are saved by the Son.)

Whichever way you apply the trinity, be aware that at least you see a good&bad description from one viewpoint, because that is its relations to the other two. You do not want a duality (anger-bad, happy-good) because G-d is not like this. To illustrate my point of a good contradiction,
1.We should never be afraid G-d will hate us when we are lost because we don't know G-d; 2.only when we "know better" should we be afraid of "God's wrath", because we know His love so well that we know it is not something to lose.
But... 1. if we are lost we should be fearful 2. if we are found we need not be. hmm.
OK so should we be afraid of G-d or not?
+ and how can you fear G-d if you don't know Him or His power?
+ and how can you know G-d unless you fear Him?
From a devil's advocate perspective, God can only "hate" those He loves; the wicked are like chaff and shadow with no substance, so shouldn't we desire his wrath and jealousy, so that we know we exist? (many women test their husband's love by trying to arouse his jealousy) So anyway, as you can see, I am running into contradictions already--which is good, because contradictions are a problem in dualities NOT in trinities. (no, I do not embrace all contradictions as being true; first let me tell you about the three-legged stool analogy)

+ first of all, what is a trinity? Three-legged stool analogy
I learned in an Episcopal church catechism class about a "three-legged stool" being similar to applying the trinity in the Church--each leg is unique yet dependent to function. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is similar to Tradition (father), Reason (son), Emotion (spirit) used to hold up the Church by Liturgy (tradition), Scripture (reason), Songs&prayer (emotion). However they need not be in that order--relationship is KEY. (I'll explain more later--problem with trinities is that they INVOLVE the reader, so you have to kind of "jump in" rather than go step-by-step)

Holy Fear (past, present, and future)
+If G-d is eternal, than when we embrace Him, we embrace completion of heaven and rebirth without fear (when we are wrongly afraid) because it is wrong to fear G-d's judgment when it keeps us from Him and not repentance. The fear that leads to repentance is right, but sometimes we have false fear which keeps us from embracing and trusting G-d's full personhood (trinity).
+When we are fearful of G-d but not drawn to Him, then we must repent of this unholy fear, and false fear.
1. ask for grace (spirit)
2.choose to love (son)
3.believe in His Truth (father)[in this case the father and son seem interchangeable to me]
+Embrace the Holy Fear by completing your relationship to the Holy Trinity: Faith, Hope, and Love--these three abide.
1. If you know God than you will love Him. --ask for knowledge.
2. If you love God than you will obey Him. --ask for love.
3. In asking you have obeyed.
Now switch around any of those. Obey, Know, Love. You can obey first, know first, love first--they all lead to each other. Now you are involved in repentance. Now you are involved in knowing that you chose G-d, that G-d has chosen you, and that in being drawn to G-d, He is being drawn to you and vice versa.

Flee from evil! Refuse guilt--accept repentance!
+Often we have unholy fear when we sin, and keep much guilt because we do not turn to Him, but when we obey we are not so afraid because we embrace His loving arms around us.

New Year

Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name!

Here are a couple "trinities"
1. desire, action, will

Love of God, obedience to God, knowledge of God.
1. knowledge: The way (reason), the truth (knowledge), and the life(purpose)
2. obedience: the way (obedience), the truth (knowledge), the life (love)
3. love: the way (how), truth (why), life (is)

need to work on this more.

Guilt

One thing my research on Sarah Palin has been doing to me...making me feel guilty. The more I read and hear from others, about her and Todd's work ethic and drive (her 6am-midnight 7days a week shifts and Todd's fishing like 48-72hr shifts? ) I feel so spoiled and lazy...remembering my high-school past makes me feel even worse. Do other people feel the same way? Maybe that's why it's so hard to learn more about the Palins, because they make me feel bad. Well, I have to remember that they are not ordinary if they are champions of the Iron Dog & AGIA, yet they are...argh! I keep feeling embarrassed that I come from the sheltered lower-48, and East Coast, and the South, and everything possibly snobby and arrogant and mistaken...OK, so I need to deal with guilt.

1. Any guilt, self-loathing, self-hatred, or shame is SIN and a LIE. (OK, I know this doesn't look like help--but it will later)

2. Guilt is three-fold: emotion, reason, tradition (habit): guilt makes us feel bad, try to justify our actions, then continue the same bad habits.

3. Conquering guilt comes from God--peace (that passes understanding),truth (repentance), good habit (righteous living). (in any order)

To stop Guilt:

1. Invite the Peace that passes understanding (the Holy Spirit). Acknowledge that this creepy-cool, pseudo-catharsis of wanting to blame yourself, hate yourself, hurt yourself is wrong and a false relief. INSTEAD say "Jesus loves me" 10 times or 50x or whatever, inviting and trusting and focusing in the Truth and promise of these words, knowing that Jesus is present with you in this truth.(Jesus said he was the word.--this is independent from "context" of your life, religion or whatever.)

2. Pray for G-d's truth to illuminate your small errors--(not the big ones that stare at you in the face w painful consequence/aftermath). Focus on the small errors that surround bigger ones. These are usually assumptions we don't notice, "nice" and sympathizable desires or thoughts not the obvious (not like why did I drink so much, why didn't I study etc.) but often surrounding ones that deal with the pain and don't have directly immediate answers like "what were my thoughts right before when..." "why do I care so much of what others think of me?" "why am I afraid of failure?" "why do I feel bad for something that I don't think is wrong?"

--we can answer these questions analytically (family,religion, environment) and rationalize, but it doesn't go away because "wrong" has 3 relationships: when you think it's wrong, others think it's wrong, and it's wrong (or God thinks it's wrong). (Some people will be quick to think wrong is only when "God thinks it's wrong", but in my context "God thinks it's wrong" is applying to nature). Let me illustrate: Slapping my brother on his back can be a good or bad thing--yet this could be wrong for 3 reasons: if I meant it to be wrong, he took it to be wrong, or maybe it "was wrong" because his back got hurt. God, being a trinity, is connected to all 3--not just if "if it's naturally wrong" like my brother's back getting hurt. Wrong has all consequences just as guilt may be our intention, others intention, or nobody's intention.

3. Pray for healing and conviction and power.

--God is the Beginning and the End. He doesn't panic, cause fear, or despair. He can transform your past by entering into your life. Often we mistakenly think our past "is over" when it obviously affects and stays with us in the present--because we are also eternal beings. God can come into our past too, when we invite His presence, Truth, and peace.

--God can change us now. If you have niggling doubts or queasiness--it's because you don't have the conviction to change. None of us do. Pray for conviction of the Holy Spirit to enter your life--He will, and He alone has the power to change us. Remember what you can do on your own, God can't help you with. Only when it is IMPOSSIBLE for man, is it possible for God--this is God's power: that His grace is sufficient for you, for His power is made perfect in weakness. Amen.

FB post: Bible contradicts itself?

In response to a Facebook chain in reference to St. Paul saying "I, not God, say this" So, inspired or uninspired?
kind of like when St. Paul said that the Cretan who said "all Cretans are liars" was true.
My response:
Often the Bible has apparent "contradictions" like this one, especially between OT and NT, but that is because God is a trinity not a duality, and where two may appear to "collide" a third dimension solves these readily, (like when Jesus was forced an either/or in the example of paying taxes to Caesar and showed a third way.) kind of like the way God gave us 2 eyes to see 3D...
So in short yes, Every word from St. Paul was inspired by God...including the ones that said he wasn't.

--(about the actual passage 1 Cor. 7:12-14 The "Christian alternative" to divorcing&remarrying is what St. Paul is clarifying from Separation: that not having to live with spouse is different from divorcing and that even if you were divorced against your will, you should still remain unmarried. Hence no one can "force" you to break your oath to God.) It seems impossible to be celibate or chaste these days, but Jesus promised us that "what is impossible for man is possible for God" Amen.

Cheap Grace

Let the Christian rest content with his worldliness and with this renunciation of any higher standard than the world. He is living for the sake of the world rather than for the sake of grace. Let him be comforted and rest assured in his possession of this grace - for grace alone does everything. Instead of following Christ, let the Christian enjoy the consolations of his grace!

That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sins departs.

Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession.

Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble, it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must the asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: “ye were bought at a price, and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us.

Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

---Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=20735