John 12
12:1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5 “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” 6 He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7 Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8 For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”
9 When the large crowd of the Jews learned that Jesus was there, they came, not only on account of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to put Lazarus to death as well, 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and believing in Jesus.
12 The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,
15 “Fear not, daughter of Zion;
behold, your king is coming,
sitting on a donkey's colt!”
16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.”
20 Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. 21 So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. 23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” 30 Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. 31 Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. 34 So the crowd answered him, “We have heard from the Law that the Christ remains forever. How can you say that the Son of Man must be lifted up? Who is this Son of Man?” 35 So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. 36 While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.”
When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. 37 Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 38 so that the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:
“Lord, who has believed what he heard from us,
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”
39 Therefore they could not believe. For again Isaiah said,
40 “He has blinded their eyes
and hardened their heart,
lest they see with their eyes,
and understand with their heart, and turn,
and I would heal them.”
41 Isaiah said these things because he saw his glory and spoke of him. 42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.
44 And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. 45 And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. 46 I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. 47 If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. 48 The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. 49 For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Holy Week: day 34
I'm afraid I didn't memorize any psalms lately; instead, past bedtime and into the morning of Palm Sunday I obsessively read a biography of Marie Antoinette from the beginning of the book for a couple hours, then skipping to the end (which I almost never do) and found it was 2:40 am in the morning. After crying a bit and wandering around, I finally went to bed at 3:30, then I couldn't go to sleep even after 4, then I must've slept for 2 and a half hours and got up at 7:30 to go to church...
I don't know how long it's going to take to recover, I do feel so strange and unbalanced between being disturbed and content, between depressed and hopeful...
Earlier I wrote of Brother Lawrence's consolation to his troubled soul to decide that his eternity could not interfere with his present decision to love and follow God. Yet now I am troubled about those whose souls have passed away and about whose eternity I do not know...
I somehow have slight unbalance between my reason and the feelings of my intuition...I feel that somehow the story of one soul is the story of many--and even perhaps of the whole world. There are a few past souls who seem clear--like past emptiness and past completion; yet there are so many, who press our hearts with the sympathetic uncertainty of "swinging between the heaven gate and the hell gate"--the struggle between self-love and the alluring love of the world; and of the self-abandoning, seemingly impossible love for God.
History is partly looking from eternity upon the final decisions of men; yet the past is also in a present and undetermined state--there is a hidden and final determination of each ending that shall make the unbalanced and incomplete things fair.
Reading a story of a struggling soul feels like trying to "hold water in your hand", or praying for an baby to be born...left not knowing the outcome, and wondering if it is might be your own.
And this not just a story of one soul, but of many, of nations, and even in a strange way--the world.
I don't know how long it's going to take to recover, I do feel so strange and unbalanced between being disturbed and content, between depressed and hopeful...
Earlier I wrote of Brother Lawrence's consolation to his troubled soul to decide that his eternity could not interfere with his present decision to love and follow God. Yet now I am troubled about those whose souls have passed away and about whose eternity I do not know...
I somehow have slight unbalance between my reason and the feelings of my intuition...I feel that somehow the story of one soul is the story of many--and even perhaps of the whole world. There are a few past souls who seem clear--like past emptiness and past completion; yet there are so many, who press our hearts with the sympathetic uncertainty of "swinging between the heaven gate and the hell gate"--the struggle between self-love and the alluring love of the world; and of the self-abandoning, seemingly impossible love for God.
History is partly looking from eternity upon the final decisions of men; yet the past is also in a present and undetermined state--there is a hidden and final determination of each ending that shall make the unbalanced and incomplete things fair.
Reading a story of a struggling soul feels like trying to "hold water in your hand", or praying for an baby to be born...left not knowing the outcome, and wondering if it is might be your own.
And this not just a story of one soul, but of many, of nations, and even in a strange way--the world.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Lent 32
Here are a few conversations with Brother Lawrence (a french-german friar 1610-1691)
From Practicing the Presence of God, a pamphlet created by his letters after his death.
--parts of a conversation with Brother Lawrence an archbishop recounted:
He [Brother Lawrence] said he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that
he should be damned. All the men in the world could not have persuaded
him to the contrary. This trouble of mind had lasted four years during
which time he had suffered much.
Finally he reasoned: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God.
I have endeavored to act only for Him. Whatever becomes
of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely
for the love of God.
I shall have this good at least that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.
From that time on Brother Lawrence lived his life in perfect liberty and continual joy.
He placed his sins between himself and God to tell Him that he did not deserve
His favors yet God still continued to bestow them in abundance.
-- part of Brother Lawrence's letter to a superior:
"In conversation some days ago a devout person told me the spiritual life
was a life of grace, which begins with servile fear, which is increased
by hope of eternal life, and which is consummated by pure love; that
each of these states had its different steps, by which one arrives at
last at that blessed consummation.
I have not followed these methods at all. On the contrary, I
instinctively felt they would discourage me. Instead, at my entrance
into religious life, I took a resolution to give myself up to God as
the best satisfaction I could make for my sins and, for the love of Him,
to renounce all besides."
From Practicing the Presence of God, a pamphlet created by his letters after his death.
--parts of a conversation with Brother Lawrence an archbishop recounted:
He [Brother Lawrence] said he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that
he should be damned. All the men in the world could not have persuaded
him to the contrary. This trouble of mind had lasted four years during
which time he had suffered much.
Finally he reasoned: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God.
I have endeavored to act only for Him. Whatever becomes
of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely
for the love of God.
I shall have this good at least that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.
From that time on Brother Lawrence lived his life in perfect liberty and continual joy.
He placed his sins between himself and God to tell Him that he did not deserve
His favors yet God still continued to bestow them in abundance.
-- part of Brother Lawrence's letter to a superior:
"In conversation some days ago a devout person told me the spiritual life
was a life of grace, which begins with servile fear, which is increased
by hope of eternal life, and which is consummated by pure love; that
each of these states had its different steps, by which one arrives at
last at that blessed consummation.
I have not followed these methods at all. On the contrary, I
instinctively felt they would discourage me. Instead, at my entrance
into religious life, I took a resolution to give myself up to God as
the best satisfaction I could make for my sins and, for the love of Him,
to renounce all besides."
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lent day 29
Last week I memorized psalm 27 "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?" and re-memorized psalm 119: Beth "How can a young man keep his way pure?"
Since it was my spring break, I was working (i.e. laundry, cleaning & organizing room, darning about 15 socks, gardening, and pruning branches...) every day except Saturday, and then had to usher to a concert that night and then get up early in the morning for church, and then rush to usher another concert, visit a friend in the hospital, etc.
At my boarding house the favorite comment on one's busy day is the scriptural reference "no rest for the wicked!"
March 21 was the 5th Sunday of Lent... and apparently the biggest healthcare bill in American history just passed...I found out about this on Monday and was plunged into temporary darkness and despair... but I do not think discernment is enough to allow oneself the temptation to fear, despair, or anger. Discernment, like good looks and smarts and a nice family are not what G-d demands of us, but what He gave us. So how can I respond? what do I say? That I am nothing. I have nothing. I have no right to despair or fear or hate, but have every cause to pursue righteousness... If this world is rotting, Christ says it is because the salt has lost its flavor.
My greatest temptation in the past 5 years has been to think that my mind is my own. It is not; yet this is a great struggle and temptation for me. If I cannot save the world through great power now, then I must save the world by my weakness...by overcoming the little temptations and hardships that threaten to undo me. I have been reading Brother Lawrence and now St. Therese of Liseux and have been listening to pastor Wurmbrand and Corrie ten Boom...they are all saints of greatness because of their smallness, not just Therese and Brother Lawrence, but also Corrie and Richard, not because they saved 800 Jews or smuggled Bibles or saved 1000 souls, or survived Nazi concentration camps or 14 years of communist prison and torture, but because through their weakness and offering to G-d through "the little way" they have overcome the world.
Greatness and smallness, power and weakness, riches and poverty, are nothing in this present world...they belong to the eternal world. Therefore we will not fear or be discouraged--take heart! Christ has overcome the world. Amen.
Since it was my spring break, I was working (i.e. laundry, cleaning & organizing room, darning about 15 socks, gardening, and pruning branches...) every day except Saturday, and then had to usher to a concert that night and then get up early in the morning for church, and then rush to usher another concert, visit a friend in the hospital, etc.
At my boarding house the favorite comment on one's busy day is the scriptural reference "no rest for the wicked!"
March 21 was the 5th Sunday of Lent... and apparently the biggest healthcare bill in American history just passed...I found out about this on Monday and was plunged into temporary darkness and despair... but I do not think discernment is enough to allow oneself the temptation to fear, despair, or anger. Discernment, like good looks and smarts and a nice family are not what G-d demands of us, but what He gave us. So how can I respond? what do I say? That I am nothing. I have nothing. I have no right to despair or fear or hate, but have every cause to pursue righteousness... If this world is rotting, Christ says it is because the salt has lost its flavor.
My greatest temptation in the past 5 years has been to think that my mind is my own. It is not; yet this is a great struggle and temptation for me. If I cannot save the world through great power now, then I must save the world by my weakness...by overcoming the little temptations and hardships that threaten to undo me. I have been reading Brother Lawrence and now St. Therese of Liseux and have been listening to pastor Wurmbrand and Corrie ten Boom...they are all saints of greatness because of their smallness, not just Therese and Brother Lawrence, but also Corrie and Richard, not because they saved 800 Jews or smuggled Bibles or saved 1000 souls, or survived Nazi concentration camps or 14 years of communist prison and torture, but because through their weakness and offering to G-d through "the little way" they have overcome the world.
Greatness and smallness, power and weakness, riches and poverty, are nothing in this present world...they belong to the eternal world. Therefore we will not fear or be discouraged--take heart! Christ has overcome the world. Amen.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Though the mountains be moved
46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Lent day 25: Crossing
Yesterday I watched this really sad movie about North Korea called Crossing. I'm afraid all my little relatives were a little traumatized... But I do recommend it of course, considering that it is the first of its kind to talk about North Korea. The Voice of the Martyrs magazine says it is not very violent, though this is obviously comparative to reality, especially if you know or read anything about North Korea and communist concentration camps, which I have. If you have, than I think you would find this movie subtle, sweet, and sad. (I refrain from saying sentimental because I think sentimental implies a happier ending.) If you haven't read anything about North Korea or concentration camps than I think that you may find this film a little disturbing and depressing.
I think what makes movies so bittersweet and sentimental is because as a movie, it can only give a fraction of reality, and though reality can be much more ugly, reality somehow is able to be 3-D, giving you a dimension into the eternal in much better terms...That is, just as relieving as it is that no real actors got killed or tortured, you are not able to have the true ability to see eternally, because real faith and power only comes in great need--not on a camera set... (of course I am not suggesting torturing actors because it is like testing quantum mechanics)
Like quantum mechanics, faith is hard to experiment on... Doesn't it say "You shall not test the Lord your God"? So we are only able to give some of the ugliness, and part of the beauty--which is hard to satisfy because ugliness is easy to test and ask for, but beauty--true beauty is a little harder.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
23rd midnight...
4th Sunday of Lent: psalm 14 "The fool says in his heart 'there is no God'"
Monday: psalm 150 "praise the lord. praise God in His sanctuary, praise Him in His mighty heavens" ...
praise Him with trumpet blast,
praise Him with lute and harp,
praise Him with tambourine and dance,
praise Him with strings and pipe,
praise Him with loud cymbals and crashing cymbals;
let everything that has breath praise the Lord"
good night.
Monday: psalm 150 "praise the lord. praise God in His sanctuary, praise Him in His mighty heavens" ...
praise Him with trumpet blast,
praise Him with lute and harp,
praise Him with tambourine and dance,
praise Him with strings and pipe,
praise Him with loud cymbals and crashing cymbals;
let everything that has breath praise the Lord"
good night.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Lent day 20
The weather was shockingly warm today. I recited all my psalms that I know outside the library as the sun set. I'm re-memorizing psalm 51 "Have mercy on me O God", which is one of the last psalms that I memorized before this Lent. I think I memorized this one when I was 12, and it was in the NIV of course. Anyway, all my reciting made me feel like a tibetan monk...at least I think that's what all the passersby assumed.
Ah, but it felt glorious to meditate, study, and fight in one sitting. I believe in the power of words, state-of-consciousness & physical prostration/genuflection, as well as in righteousness--zedek & zichut, and holiness--chabad. Righteousness is partly our own doing and deeds like zichut, but I realize also not our own choosing (sins of your fathers etc.)
I have little or no knowledge of how to obtain the chabad, but that it is generally not of our choosing--Did Ezekiel choose the coals, or Elijah the fire? Yet it requires willingness, as
the mother of our Lord said, “let it be to me according to your word.”
and it says that a sword shall pierce her heart so that "thoughts from many hearts may be revealed". Holiness is power, but it appears to come only through great pain and suffering...
Do I believe one may attain holiness by pain and suffering? I do not know if suffering and pain are alone sufficient to attain the power and the glory--the chabad--if I am not utterly confusing the treasures of the kingdom of G-d...
I only know that I seek and must seek these ever-present un-attainables, I must seek transcendence through obedience, knowledge, long-suffering and everlasting peace.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Ah, but it felt glorious to meditate, study, and fight in one sitting. I believe in the power of words, state-of-consciousness & physical prostration/genuflection, as well as in righteousness--zedek & zichut, and holiness--chabad. Righteousness is partly our own doing and deeds like zichut, but I realize also not our own choosing (sins of your fathers etc.)
I have little or no knowledge of how to obtain the chabad, but that it is generally not of our choosing--Did Ezekiel choose the coals, or Elijah the fire? Yet it requires willingness, as
the mother of our Lord said, “let it be to me according to your word.”
and it says that a sword shall pierce her heart so that "thoughts from many hearts may be revealed". Holiness is power, but it appears to come only through great pain and suffering...
Do I believe one may attain holiness by pain and suffering? I do not know if suffering and pain are alone sufficient to attain the power and the glory--the chabad--if I am not utterly confusing the treasures of the kingdom of G-d...
I only know that I seek and must seek these ever-present un-attainables, I must seek transcendence through obedience, knowledge, long-suffering and everlasting peace.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Lent day 18
I am busy studying today, but here is the count so far:
1st Sunday of Lent: psalms 2, 3, 4, 8, 121,
2nd Sunday of Lent: psalms 13, 11, 91
3rd Sunday of Lent: psalms 12, 19
The ones I already know previous to Lent not included are ps. 23, 1, 103.
(I re-memorized 121, 13, 91, 19.)
Last night I couldn't go to sleep very well because I drank some coffee and the neighbors bright green outdoor porch light was on. I tried reciting every single psalm I knew, and then tried tapping psalm 23 in morse code...(yes the coffee obviously affected me--my chest felt tight.)
Then I started preaching a sermon (in my head of course) reflecting on these words.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
----Deutoronomy 6:4-9
and one of my favorite books that my Dad read to me when I was younger.
"remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs, Nothing else matters." ----The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
1st Sunday of Lent: psalms 2, 3, 4, 8, 121,
2nd Sunday of Lent: psalms 13, 11, 91
3rd Sunday of Lent: psalms 12, 19
The ones I already know previous to Lent not included are ps. 23, 1, 103.
(I re-memorized 121, 13, 91, 19.)
Last night I couldn't go to sleep very well because I drank some coffee and the neighbors bright green outdoor porch light was on. I tried reciting every single psalm I knew, and then tried tapping psalm 23 in morse code...(yes the coffee obviously affected me--my chest felt tight.)
Then I started preaching a sermon (in my head of course) reflecting on these words.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
----Deutoronomy 6:4-9
and one of my favorite books that my Dad read to me when I was younger.
"remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs, Nothing else matters." ----The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
Monday, March 8, 2010
Lent day 17
Sunday I memorized psalm 12 during the sermon. (I heard it was a good sermon--oops! oh well.)
"Save O Lord, for the godly one is gone, for the faithful have vanished from the children of man."
and today I re-memorized psalm 19 "the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies above proclaim the work of His hands."
Today is lovely weather. I have 2 exams this week... Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the chronicles of Mr. Toad, which inevitably will be continued.
I also like some adorable lines in Peter Pan "two is the beginning of the end", Beatrix Potter's books, and children's books that I couldn't appreciate or understand as a child but now am infatuated with now that I am older. (hmm...I think I said that before. maybe I am getting older.)
"Save O Lord, for the godly one is gone, for the faithful have vanished from the children of man."
and today I re-memorized psalm 19 "the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies above proclaim the work of His hands."
Today is lovely weather. I have 2 exams this week... Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the chronicles of Mr. Toad, which inevitably will be continued.
I also like some adorable lines in Peter Pan "two is the beginning of the end", Beatrix Potter's books, and children's books that I couldn't appreciate or understand as a child but now am infatuated with now that I am older. (hmm...I think I said that before. maybe I am getting older.)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Lent 16: Toad's obvious consequences
To my dear friends who are having difficulty during this Lent
regarding temptation...
'There cannot be any harm,' he
said to himself, 'in my only just LOOKING at it!'
The car stood in the middle of the yard, quite unattended, the
stable-helps and other hangers-on being all at their dinner. Toad walked
slowly round it, inspecting, criticising, musing deeply.
'I wonder,' he said to himself presently, 'I wonder if this sort of car
STARTS easily?'
Next moment, hardly knowing how it came about, he found he had hold of
the handle and was turning it. As the familiar sound broke forth, the
old passion seized on Toad and completely mastered him, body and soul.
As if in a dream he found himself, somehow, seated in the driver's seat;
as if in a dream, he pulled the lever and swung the car round the yard
and out through the archway; and, as if in a dream, all sense of
right and wrong, all fear of obvious consequences, seemed temporarily
suspended. He increased his pace, and as the car devoured the street
and leapt forth on the high road through the open country, he was only
conscious that he was Toad once more, Toad at his best and highest, Toad
the terror, the traffic-queller, the Lord of the lone trail, before whom
all must give way or be smitten into nothingness and everlasting night.
He chanted as he flew, and the car responded with sonorous drone; the
miles were eaten up under him as he sped he knew not whither, fulfilling
his instincts, living his hour, reckless of what might come to him.
* * * * * *
'To my mind,' observed the Chairman of the Bench of Magistrates
cheerfully, 'the ONLY difficulty that presents itself in this otherwise
very clear case is, how we can possibly make it sufficiently hot for the
incorrigible rogue and hardened ruffian whom we see cowering in the
dock before us. Let me see: he has been found guilty, on the clearest
evidence, first, of stealing a valuable motor-car; secondly, of driving
to the public danger; and, thirdly, of gross impertinence to the rural
police. Mr. Clerk, will you tell us, please, what is the very stiffest
penalty we can impose for each of these offences? Without, of course,
giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt, because there isn't any.'
--The Wind in the Willows, 1908, Kenneth Grahame
Friday, March 5, 2010
Lent 15: The difficulty in keeping secrets
Perhaps you should know that there has been a great fad at my boarding house, of the literary kind, of the aforementioned Mr. Toad. There are always books with delightful witticisms, and currently Kenneth Grahame's book The Wind in the Willows takes the place of the "most quoted book of the month" award.
This has been the quote about secrets...
'There, there!' went on the Badger, more kindly. 'Never mind. Stop
crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and turn over a
new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The stoats are on guard,
at every point, and they make the best sentinels in the world. It's
quite useless to think of attacking the place. They're too strong for
us.'
'Then it's all over,' sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa cushions. 'I
shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my dear Toad Hall any
more!'
'Come, cheer up, Toady!' said the Badger. 'There are more ways of
getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said my last
word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret.'
Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense attraction
for him, because he never could keep one, and he enjoyed the sort of
unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went and told another animal,
after having faithfully promised not to.
'There--is--an--underground--passage,' said the Badger, impressively,
'that leads from the river-bank, quite near here, right up into the
middle of Toad Hall.'
'O, nonsense! Badger,' said Toad, rather airily. 'You've been listening
to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses about here. I know
every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out. Nothing of the sort, I do
assure you!'
'My young friend,' said the Badger, with great severity, 'your father,
who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others I know--was
a particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal he wouldn't have
dreamt of telling you. He discovered that passage--he didn't make it,
of course; that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live
there--and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it
might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he
showed it to me. "Don't let my son know about it," he said. "He's a good
boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold
his tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to him,
you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before."'
The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it. Toad
was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up immediately,
like the good fellow he was.
This has been the quote about secrets...
'There, there!' went on the Badger, more kindly. 'Never mind. Stop
crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and turn over a
new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The stoats are on guard,
at every point, and they make the best sentinels in the world. It's
quite useless to think of attacking the place. They're too strong for
us.'
'Then it's all over,' sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa cushions. 'I
shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my dear Toad Hall any
more!'
'Come, cheer up, Toady!' said the Badger. 'There are more ways of
getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said my last
word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret.'
Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense attraction
for him, because he never could keep one, and he enjoyed the sort of
unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went and told another animal,
after having faithfully promised not to.
'There--is--an--underground--passage,' said the Badger, impressively,
'that leads from the river-bank, quite near here, right up into the
middle of Toad Hall.'
'O, nonsense! Badger,' said Toad, rather airily. 'You've been listening
to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses about here. I know
every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out. Nothing of the sort, I do
assure you!'
'My young friend,' said the Badger, with great severity, 'your father,
who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others I know--was
a particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal he wouldn't have
dreamt of telling you. He discovered that passage--he didn't make it,
of course; that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live
there--and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it
might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he
showed it to me. "Don't let my son know about it," he said. "He's a good
boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold
his tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to him,
you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before."'
The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it. Toad
was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up immediately,
like the good fellow he was.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Lent day 14
Tuesday: memorized psalm 11 "In the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul 'flee like a bird to your mountain'? For behold, the wicked bend the bow...if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? The Lord dwells in his holy temple, the Lord's throne is in heaven..."
Wednesday: reviewing psalm 91 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty..."
Thursday/Today: I have alot of exams and studying to do...
Wednesday: reviewing psalm 91 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty..."
Thursday/Today: I have alot of exams and studying to do...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lenten season: a truly altered toad
To all dear fellow sufferers who are practicing humility this Lent:
"Then he heaved a deep sigh; a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hairbrush in the water-jug, parted his hair in the
middle, and plastered it down very straight and sleek on each side of
his face; and, unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the drawing-room.
All the animals cheered when he entered, and crowded round to
congratulate him and say nice things about his courage, and his
cleverness, and his fighting qualities; but Toad only smiled faintly,
and murmured, 'Not at all!' Or, sometimes, for a change, 'On the
contrary!' Otter, who was standing on the hearthrug, describing to an
admiring circle of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his arm round Toad's
neck, and tried to take him round the room in triumphal progress; but
Toad, in a mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently, as he
disengaged himself, 'Badger's was the mastermind; the Mole and the Water
Rat bore the brunt of the fighting; I merely served in the ranks and did
little or nothing.' The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback
by this unexpected attitude of his; and Toad felt, as he moved from one
guest to the other, making his modest responses, that he was an object
of absorbing interest to every one.
The Badger had ordered everything of the best, and the banquet was a
great success. There was much talking and laughter and chaff among the
animals, but through it all Toad, who of course was in the chair, looked
down his nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at the Badger and the Rat,
and always when he looked they were staring at each other with their
mouths open; and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got whispering
to each other that things were not so amusing as they used to be in the
good old days; and there were some knockings on the table and cries of
'Toad! Speech! Speech from Toad! Song! Mr. Toad's song!' But Toad only
shook his head gently, raised one paw in mild protest, and, by pressing
delicacies on his guests, by topical small-talk, and by earnest
inquiries after members of their families not yet old enough to appear
at social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner was
being run on strictly conventional lines.
He was indeed an altered Toad!"
--From The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
"Then he heaved a deep sigh; a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hairbrush in the water-jug, parted his hair in the
middle, and plastered it down very straight and sleek on each side of
his face; and, unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the drawing-room.
All the animals cheered when he entered, and crowded round to
congratulate him and say nice things about his courage, and his
cleverness, and his fighting qualities; but Toad only smiled faintly,
and murmured, 'Not at all!' Or, sometimes, for a change, 'On the
contrary!' Otter, who was standing on the hearthrug, describing to an
admiring circle of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his arm round Toad's
neck, and tried to take him round the room in triumphal progress; but
Toad, in a mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently, as he
disengaged himself, 'Badger's was the mastermind; the Mole and the Water
Rat bore the brunt of the fighting; I merely served in the ranks and did
little or nothing.' The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback
by this unexpected attitude of his; and Toad felt, as he moved from one
guest to the other, making his modest responses, that he was an object
of absorbing interest to every one.
The Badger had ordered everything of the best, and the banquet was a
great success. There was much talking and laughter and chaff among the
animals, but through it all Toad, who of course was in the chair, looked
down his nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at the Badger and the Rat,
and always when he looked they were staring at each other with their
mouths open; and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got whispering
to each other that things were not so amusing as they used to be in the
good old days; and there were some knockings on the table and cries of
'Toad! Speech! Speech from Toad! Song! Mr. Toad's song!' But Toad only
shook his head gently, raised one paw in mild protest, and, by pressing
delicacies on his guests, by topical small-talk, and by earnest
inquiries after members of their families not yet old enough to appear
at social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner was
being run on strictly conventional lines.
He was indeed an altered Toad!"
--From The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
Monday, March 1, 2010
2nd week of Lent: day 11
on Friday I was in the ballet dressing room for a concert trying to re-memorize psalm 13. All the round bulbs and mirrors made me disoriented and a stranger, as if I was in some sort of space-ship evading time and place. Anyway, on Sunday I finished re-memorizing it in the ESV, even though I did memorize this in the NIV when I was 7. (I remember my mom commenting on perhaps memorizing a more cheerful psalm? Of course I had already triumphantly picked this one out, as I had recognized its value as a psalm of more "deep" and "profound" thought. (My mother picked out psalm 121 for me to memorize.) Why do parents always think children as incapable of the vast, internal struggle of the soul?)
Compare NIV v2"wrestle with my thoughts" and 4v"foes rejoice when I fall" to the following:
Psalm 13.
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Compare NIV v2"wrestle with my thoughts" and 4v"foes rejoice when I fall" to the following:
Psalm 13.
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
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