I discovered Sephardi pop music! Apparently alot of Sephardi artists sing more western-Ashkenazi music like Shay Gabso according to the Haaretz but unlike most Yehuda Saado continues the Sephardi microtones like a "Moroccan style cantor" and I quite like it. I am currently checking out other Israeli pop musicians, but so far they are not as good.
Friday, October 29, 2010
entry
I have been in a whirlwind of sorrow, song, prayer, laughter, many many tears and flowers. I saw my Grandfather die this weekend, his funeral, and his burial. I've been so far for so long, and I've only seen him and spoken with him last in May, but during the trip I started remembering little things and memories. What a rush of grief and love and life. How will I forget the too bright sun glinting through the rainbow colors of leaves, mountains, tornado weather--that too-strong and gentle wind, the bright sunlight through the living room windows and flowerpots...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
104
These all look to you to give them their food in due season.
When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die and return to their dust.
When you send forth your breath, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground.
Hallelujah. Amen.
When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die and return to their dust.
When you send forth your breath, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The Cranes Are Flying
I just saw The Cranes Are Flying (1957 Russian) last night and got to cry. I've been browsing Anne Frank and Holocaust memorials and downloaded the movie Crossing about North Korea. I don't why, but I've been having trouble concentrating during classes or studying lately...I've been writing poems in Physics class...it seems that's the only time I write anything interesting. Sigh. Anyway, The Cranes Are Flying is a GOOD movie. It is about what happens to a country or families during a war, how there is so much destruction and loss and yet having the strength to still hope and love and hold no bitterness or hatred. The actress is looks a little bit like Larissa in The Cruel Romance (Zhestokiy Romans) only she is so 1950s--innocent and good. This girl reminds me a little of St. Bernadette in The Song of Bernadette. Anyway, I also recommend that film, as well as Crossing. How beautiful and good are these stories that have so much pain and yet so much hope and belief in the eternal!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Diary of a Young Girl
I just re-read or read (I can't remember) over the weekend Anne Frank's diary. And as usual am so bursting to think and laugh (for at any rate I can't cry now) that I have been speaking of it for the past few days.
I find so much treasure in the musings of a child who is becoming an adult, perhaps because I am still so immature as well. I adore and admire the Frank family's studying--Latin, French, English, (Dutch&German), History, musicians--(they definitely couldn't play any music), art, philosophy, Mr. Frank's Dickens and english dictionary, everything. The adorableness of Margot being a genius and wanting to teach and be a midwife in Palestine--how mature and idealistic she sounds! And Anne's whole rants about her poor Mom and pathetic Mrs. Van Daan, and how she feels guilt but right about her quarrels with her mom with all the paradoxical emotions. How she loves her Dad, how she gets in the one fight with him over the boy, and how sweet he is to care for her and shed tears and burn her horrible letter! Then finally the silly boy she idealizes and who disappoints. It is the quintessential teenage "coming of age" story with just the right scenario of just a few characters in just a few years of such a confined space. It is odd how reality can become so Dickens (everything fitting together) in such odd circumstances. Perhaps in my old age I've become much more sentimental for the tiny bits of "real life"--not fights or romance--but what makes life precious: the family reading and studying together, the nightly prayers, the kind friends and holiday celebrations, the tears of reconciliation, the snuggling with family, the birds in the morning, the crazy fiascos of favorite history notes getting wet and hanging them to dry, the quirky bathroom hoggers, the shelling beans and chatting--all the love of kindness, affection, love of learning and sharing, faith, and hope.
I find so much treasure in the musings of a child who is becoming an adult, perhaps because I am still so immature as well. I adore and admire the Frank family's studying--Latin, French, English, (Dutch&German), History, musicians--(they definitely couldn't play any music), art, philosophy, Mr. Frank's Dickens and english dictionary, everything. The adorableness of Margot being a genius and wanting to teach and be a midwife in Palestine--how mature and idealistic she sounds! And Anne's whole rants about her poor Mom and pathetic Mrs. Van Daan, and how she feels guilt but right about her quarrels with her mom with all the paradoxical emotions. How she loves her Dad, how she gets in the one fight with him over the boy, and how sweet he is to care for her and shed tears and burn her horrible letter! Then finally the silly boy she idealizes and who disappoints. It is the quintessential teenage "coming of age" story with just the right scenario of just a few characters in just a few years of such a confined space. It is odd how reality can become so Dickens (everything fitting together) in such odd circumstances. Perhaps in my old age I've become much more sentimental for the tiny bits of "real life"--not fights or romance--but what makes life precious: the family reading and studying together, the nightly prayers, the kind friends and holiday celebrations, the tears of reconciliation, the snuggling with family, the birds in the morning, the crazy fiascos of favorite history notes getting wet and hanging them to dry, the quirky bathroom hoggers, the shelling beans and chatting--all the love of kindness, affection, love of learning and sharing, faith, and hope.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I love you O lord my strength who trains my hands for war; my fingers for battle.
I love you O lord my weakness in whom there is no fault, no sin, no blemish, no deceit.
Christ-child fill my heart with peace, my quaking heart and trembling knees.
Turn my face away from all within; Turn it upward, that I may sing.
Hear O lord my cry; Hide me as the apple of your eye.
Christ-child look on me in love, hold my hand and hold my heart.
Amen.
I love you O lord my weakness in whom there is no fault, no sin, no blemish, no deceit.
Christ-child fill my heart with peace, my quaking heart and trembling knees.
Turn my face away from all within; Turn it upward, that I may sing.
Hear O lord my cry; Hide me as the apple of your eye.
Christ-child look on me in love, hold my hand and hold my heart.
Amen.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
hello again
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.---Deuteronomy 6:5
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
VII
The Seventh Station:
Jesus Falls the Second Time
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how the second fall of Jesus under His cross renews the pain in all the wounds of the head and members of our afflicted Lord. (Kneel)
R: My most gentle Jesus, / how many times You have forgiven me; / and how many times I have fallen again and begun again to offend You! / By the merits of this second fall, / give me the grace to persevere in Your love until death. / Grant, that in all my temptations, I may always have recourse to You. / I love You, Jesus, my Love with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
For the sins of His own nation
Saw Him hang in desolation
Till His spirit forth He sent.
Jesus Falls the Second Time
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how the second fall of Jesus under His cross renews the pain in all the wounds of the head and members of our afflicted Lord. (Kneel)
R: My most gentle Jesus, / how many times You have forgiven me; / and how many times I have fallen again and begun again to offend You! / By the merits of this second fall, / give me the grace to persevere in Your love until death. / Grant, that in all my temptations, I may always have recourse to You. / I love You, Jesus, my Love with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
For the sins of His own nation
Saw Him hang in desolation
Till His spirit forth He sent.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
VI
The Sixth Station:
Veronica Offers Her Veil to Jesus
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider the compassion of the holy woman, Veronica. Seeing Jesus in such distress, His face bathed in sweat and blood, she presented Him with her veil. Jesus wiped His face, and left upon the cloth the image of his sacred countenance. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus, / Your face was beautiful before You began this journey; / but, now, it no longer appears beautiful / and is disfigured with wounds and blood. / Alas, my soul also was once beautiful / when it received Your grace in Baptism; / but I have since disfigured it with my sins. / You alone, my Redeemer, can restore it to its former beauty. / Do this by the merits of Your passion; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Bruised, derided, cursed, defiled
She beheld her tender Child
All with bloody scourges rent.
Veronica Offers Her Veil to Jesus
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider the compassion of the holy woman, Veronica. Seeing Jesus in such distress, His face bathed in sweat and blood, she presented Him with her veil. Jesus wiped His face, and left upon the cloth the image of his sacred countenance. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus, / Your face was beautiful before You began this journey; / but, now, it no longer appears beautiful / and is disfigured with wounds and blood. / Alas, my soul also was once beautiful / when it received Your grace in Baptism; / but I have since disfigured it with my sins. / You alone, my Redeemer, can restore it to its former beauty. / Do this by the merits of Your passion; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Bruised, derided, cursed, defiled
She beheld her tender Child
All with bloody scourges rent.
Monday, May 3, 2010
V
The Fifth Station:
Simon Helps Jesus Carry the Cross
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how weak and weary Jesus was. At each step He was at the point of expiring. Fearing that He would die on the way when they wished Him to die the infamous death of the cross, they forced Simon of Cyrene to help carry the cross after Our Lord. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus / I will not refuse the cross as Simon did: / I accept it and embrace it. / I accept in particular the death that is destined for me / with all the pains that may accompany it. / I unite it to Your death / and I offer it to You. / You have died for love of me; / I will die for love of You and to please You. / Help me by Your grace. / I love You, Jesus, my Love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain
In that Mother's pain untold?
Simon Helps Jesus Carry the Cross
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how weak and weary Jesus was. At each step He was at the point of expiring. Fearing that He would die on the way when they wished Him to die the infamous death of the cross, they forced Simon of Cyrene to help carry the cross after Our Lord. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus / I will not refuse the cross as Simon did: / I accept it and embrace it. / I accept in particular the death that is destined for me / with all the pains that may accompany it. / I unite it to Your death / and I offer it to You. / You have died for love of me; / I will die for love of You and to please You. / Help me by Your grace. / I love You, Jesus, my Love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain
In that Mother's pain untold?
Friday, April 30, 2010
IV
The Fourth Station:
Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how the Son met his Mother on His way to Calvary. Jesus and Mary gazed at each other and their looks became as so many arrows to wound those hearts which loved each other so tenderly (Kneel)
R: My most loving Jesus, / by the pain You suffered in this meeting / grant me the grace of being truly devoted to Your most holy Mother. / And You, my Queen, who was overwhelmed with sorrow, / obtain for me by Your prayers / a tender and a lasting remembrance of the passion of Your divine Son. / I love You, Jesus, my Love, above all things. / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never allow me to offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Is there one who would not weep,
'whelmed in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold.
Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how the Son met his Mother on His way to Calvary. Jesus and Mary gazed at each other and their looks became as so many arrows to wound those hearts which loved each other so tenderly (Kneel)
R: My most loving Jesus, / by the pain You suffered in this meeting / grant me the grace of being truly devoted to Your most holy Mother. / And You, my Queen, who was overwhelmed with sorrow, / obtain for me by Your prayers / a tender and a lasting remembrance of the passion of Your divine Son. / I love You, Jesus, my Love, above all things. / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never allow me to offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Is there one who would not weep,
'whelmed in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
III
The Third Station:
Jesus Falls the First Time
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider the first fall of Jesus. Loss of blood from the scourging and crowing with thorns had so weakened Him that He could hardly walk; and yet He had to carry that great load upon His shoulders. As the soldiers struck Him cruelly, He fell several times under the heavy cross. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus, / it was not the weight of the cross / but the weight of my sins which made You suffer so much. / By the merits of this first fall, / save me from falling into mortal sin. / I love You, O my Jesus, with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / May I never offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Christ above in torment hangs
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying, glorious Son
Jesus Falls the First Time
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider the first fall of Jesus. Loss of blood from the scourging and crowing with thorns had so weakened Him that He could hardly walk; and yet He had to carry that great load upon His shoulders. As the soldiers struck Him cruelly, He fell several times under the heavy cross. (Kneel)
R: My beloved Jesus, / it was not the weight of the cross / but the weight of my sins which made You suffer so much. / By the merits of this first fall, / save me from falling into mortal sin. / I love You, O my Jesus, with all my heart; / I am sorry that I have offended You. / May I never offend You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Christ above in torment hangs
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying, glorious Son
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
II
The Second Station:
Jesus Accepts His Cross
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider Jesus as He walked this road with the cross on His shoulders, thinking of us, and offering to His Father in our behalf, the death He was about to suffer. (Kneel)
R: My most beloved Jesus, / I embrace all the sufferings You have destined for me until death. / I beg You, by all You suffered in carrying Your cross, / to help me carry mine with Your perfect peace and resignation. / I love You, Jesus, my love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me separate myself from You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
O, how sad and sore depressed
Was that Mother highly blessed
Of the sole Begotten One
Jesus Accepts His Cross
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider Jesus as He walked this road with the cross on His shoulders, thinking of us, and offering to His Father in our behalf, the death He was about to suffer. (Kneel)
R: My most beloved Jesus, / I embrace all the sufferings You have destined for me until death. / I beg You, by all You suffered in carrying Your cross, / to help me carry mine with Your perfect peace and resignation. / I love You, Jesus, my love; / I repent of ever having offended You. / Never let me separate myself from You again. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
O, how sad and sore depressed
Was that Mother highly blessed
Of the sole Begotten One
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I
The First Station:
Pilate Condemns Jesus to Die
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how Jesus Christ, after being scourged and crowned with thorns, was unjustly condemned by Pilate to die on the cross. (Kneel)
R: My adorable Jesus, / it was not Pilate; / no, it was my sins that condemned You to die. / I beseech You, by the merits of this sorrowful journey, / to assist my soul on its journey to eternity./ I love You, beloved Jesus; / I love You more than I love myself. / With all my heart I repent of ever having offended You. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Through her heart, His sorrow sharing
All His bitter anguish bearing
Now at length the sword has passed
Pilate Condemns Jesus to Die
V: We adore You, O Christ, and we praise You. (Genuflect)
R: Because, by Your holy cross, You have redeemed the world. (Rise)
V: Consider how Jesus Christ, after being scourged and crowned with thorns, was unjustly condemned by Pilate to die on the cross. (Kneel)
R: My adorable Jesus, / it was not Pilate; / no, it was my sins that condemned You to die. / I beseech You, by the merits of this sorrowful journey, / to assist my soul on its journey to eternity./ I love You, beloved Jesus; / I love You more than I love myself. / With all my heart I repent of ever having offended You. / Grant that I may love You always; and then do with me as You will.
(Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be.)
Through her heart, His sorrow sharing
All His bitter anguish bearing
Now at length the sword has passed
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
st. alphonsus liguori's stations of the cross
Preparatory Prayer
(to be said kneeling before the altar)
ALL: My Lord, Jesus Christ, / You have made this journey to die for me with unspeakable love; / and I have so many times ungratefully abandoned You. / But now I love You with all my heart; / and, because I love You, I am sincerely sorry for ever having offended You. / Pardon me, my God, and permit me to accompany You on this journey. / You go to die for love of me; / I want, my beloved Redeemer, to die for love of You. / My Jesus, I will live and die always united to You.
At the cross her station keeping
Stood the mournful Mother weeping
Close to Jesus to the last
(to be said kneeling before the altar)
ALL: My Lord, Jesus Christ, / You have made this journey to die for me with unspeakable love; / and I have so many times ungratefully abandoned You. / But now I love You with all my heart; / and, because I love You, I am sincerely sorry for ever having offended You. / Pardon me, my God, and permit me to accompany You on this journey. / You go to die for love of me; / I want, my beloved Redeemer, to die for love of You. / My Jesus, I will live and die always united to You.
At the cross her station keeping
Stood the mournful Mother weeping
Close to Jesus to the last
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Easter: day 10
" My most usual method is this simple attention, an affectionate regard
for God to whom I find myself often attached with greater sweetness
and delight than that of an infant at the mother's breast. To choose
an expression, I would call this state the bosom of God, for the
inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there. If, at
any time, my thoughts wander from it from necessity or infirmity,
I am presently recalled by inward emotions so charming and delicious
that I cannot find words to describe them. Please reflect on my great
wretchedness, of which you are fully informed, rather than on the great
favors God does one as unworthy and ungrateful as I am.
As for my set hours of prayer, they are simply a continuation of the same
exercise. Sometimes I consider myself as a stone before a carver, whereof
He is to make a statue. Presenting myself thus before God, I desire Him to
make His perfect image in my soul and render me entirely like Himself. At
other times, when I apply myself to prayer, I feel all my spirit lifted
up without any care or effort on my part. This often continues as if it
was suspended yet firmly fixed in God like a center or place of rest.
I know that some charge this state with inactivity, delusion, and
self-love. I confess that it is a holy inactivity. And it would be a happy
self-love if the soul, in that state, were capable of it. But while the
soul is in this repose, she cannot be disturbed by the kinds of things
to which she was formerly accustomed. The things that the soul used to
depend on would now hinder rather than assist her.
Yet, I cannot see how this could be called imagination or delusion because
the soul which enjoys God in this way wants nothing but Him. If this is
delusion, then only God can remedy it. Let Him do what He pleases with me.
I desire only Him and to be wholly devoted to Him."
--Brother Lawrence,
from the 2nd letter; to a superior
for God to whom I find myself often attached with greater sweetness
and delight than that of an infant at the mother's breast. To choose
an expression, I would call this state the bosom of God, for the
inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there. If, at
any time, my thoughts wander from it from necessity or infirmity,
I am presently recalled by inward emotions so charming and delicious
that I cannot find words to describe them. Please reflect on my great
wretchedness, of which you are fully informed, rather than on the great
favors God does one as unworthy and ungrateful as I am.
As for my set hours of prayer, they are simply a continuation of the same
exercise. Sometimes I consider myself as a stone before a carver, whereof
He is to make a statue. Presenting myself thus before God, I desire Him to
make His perfect image in my soul and render me entirely like Himself. At
other times, when I apply myself to prayer, I feel all my spirit lifted
up without any care or effort on my part. This often continues as if it
was suspended yet firmly fixed in God like a center or place of rest.
I know that some charge this state with inactivity, delusion, and
self-love. I confess that it is a holy inactivity. And it would be a happy
self-love if the soul, in that state, were capable of it. But while the
soul is in this repose, she cannot be disturbed by the kinds of things
to which she was formerly accustomed. The things that the soul used to
depend on would now hinder rather than assist her.
Yet, I cannot see how this could be called imagination or delusion because
the soul which enjoys God in this way wants nothing but Him. If this is
delusion, then only God can remedy it. Let Him do what He pleases with me.
I desire only Him and to be wholly devoted to Him."
--Brother Lawrence,
from the 2nd letter; to a superior
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Monday
Happy Easter everyone!
I am glum for all my schoolwork that I have to do...there is no rest for the wicked!
I got to skip out of my Good Friday class and go to the Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service as well as a glorious candlelit midnight mass at our local Catholic church.
It was so wonderful; I fear that I am starved for liturgy--or Christianity for that matter!
My only regret is that I didn't get to go to the Maundy Thursday service or the all-night vigil...we tried, but got booted out after 5 minutes... I ponder converting to Catholicism, except that
1. I think it would be cowardly if all I wanted was security and comfort vs. religious conviction and theology
2. I dislike unstable converts with sharp eyes who have "seen the light" and instinctively know everything (i.e. about the world, G-d, and people) e.g. former Southern Baptists-to-Anglocatholicism, former Southern Baptists-to-Presbyterianism, former nominal Catholics-to-Southern Baptistsism, former nominal Catholics-to-Presbyterianism, former hippies-to-"devout" Catholicism, former hippies-to-"evangelical" protestantism--I think I just offended almost everyone I know! Disclaimer: this is not true for everybody, it is only commonly found in the above people that I have noticed. And I do think G-d has a place and purpose for everyone...despite my grievances.
3. I suspect happiness will not be what I think I want, and following our own happiness only will lead us only into more trouble unless that is where G-d wants us...
sigh.
OK, well, I gotta go.
I am glum for all my schoolwork that I have to do...there is no rest for the wicked!
I got to skip out of my Good Friday class and go to the Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service as well as a glorious candlelit midnight mass at our local Catholic church.
It was so wonderful; I fear that I am starved for liturgy--or Christianity for that matter!
My only regret is that I didn't get to go to the Maundy Thursday service or the all-night vigil...we tried, but got booted out after 5 minutes... I ponder converting to Catholicism, except that
1. I think it would be cowardly if all I wanted was security and comfort vs. religious conviction and theology
2. I dislike unstable converts with sharp eyes who have "seen the light" and instinctively know everything (i.e. about the world, G-d, and people) e.g. former Southern Baptists-to-Anglocatholicism, former Southern Baptists-to-Presbyterianism, former nominal Catholics-to-Southern Baptistsism, former nominal Catholics-to-Presbyterianism, former hippies-to-"devout" Catholicism, former hippies-to-"evangelical" protestantism--I think I just offended almost everyone I know! Disclaimer: this is not true for everybody, it is only commonly found in the above people that I have noticed. And I do think G-d has a place and purpose for everyone...despite my grievances.
3. I suspect happiness will not be what I think I want, and following our own happiness only will lead us only into more trouble unless that is where G-d wants us...
sigh.
OK, well, I gotta go.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
holy week +
John 12
12:1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5 “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” 6 He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7 Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8 For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”
9 When the large crowd of the Jews learned that Jesus was there, they came, not only on account of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to put Lazarus to death as well, 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and believing in Jesus.
12 The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,
15 “Fear not, daughter of Zion;
behold, your king is coming,
sitting on a donkey's colt!”
16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.”
20 Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. 21 So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. 23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” 30 Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. 31 Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. 34 So the crowd answered him, “We have heard from the Law that the Christ remains forever. How can you say that the Son of Man must be lifted up? Who is this Son of Man?” 35 So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. 36 While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.”
When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. 37 Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 38 so that the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:
“Lord, who has believed what he heard from us,
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”
39 Therefore they could not believe. For again Isaiah said,
40 “He has blinded their eyes
and hardened their heart,
lest they see with their eyes,
and understand with their heart, and turn,
and I would heal them.”
41 Isaiah said these things because he saw his glory and spoke of him. 42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.
44 And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. 45 And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. 46 I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. 47 If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. 48 The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. 49 For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”
12:1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5 “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” 6 He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7 Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8 For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”
9 When the large crowd of the Jews learned that Jesus was there, they came, not only on account of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to put Lazarus to death as well, 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and believing in Jesus.
12 The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,
15 “Fear not, daughter of Zion;
behold, your king is coming,
sitting on a donkey's colt!”
16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.”
20 Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. 21 So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. 23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” 30 Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. 31 Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. 34 So the crowd answered him, “We have heard from the Law that the Christ remains forever. How can you say that the Son of Man must be lifted up? Who is this Son of Man?” 35 So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. 36 While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.”
When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. 37 Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 38 so that the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:
“Lord, who has believed what he heard from us,
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”
39 Therefore they could not believe. For again Isaiah said,
40 “He has blinded their eyes
and hardened their heart,
lest they see with their eyes,
and understand with their heart, and turn,
and I would heal them.”
41 Isaiah said these things because he saw his glory and spoke of him. 42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.
44 And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. 45 And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. 46 I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. 47 If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. 48 The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. 49 For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”
Monday, March 29, 2010
Holy Week: day 34
I'm afraid I didn't memorize any psalms lately; instead, past bedtime and into the morning of Palm Sunday I obsessively read a biography of Marie Antoinette from the beginning of the book for a couple hours, then skipping to the end (which I almost never do) and found it was 2:40 am in the morning. After crying a bit and wandering around, I finally went to bed at 3:30, then I couldn't go to sleep even after 4, then I must've slept for 2 and a half hours and got up at 7:30 to go to church...
I don't know how long it's going to take to recover, I do feel so strange and unbalanced between being disturbed and content, between depressed and hopeful...
Earlier I wrote of Brother Lawrence's consolation to his troubled soul to decide that his eternity could not interfere with his present decision to love and follow God. Yet now I am troubled about those whose souls have passed away and about whose eternity I do not know...
I somehow have slight unbalance between my reason and the feelings of my intuition...I feel that somehow the story of one soul is the story of many--and even perhaps of the whole world. There are a few past souls who seem clear--like past emptiness and past completion; yet there are so many, who press our hearts with the sympathetic uncertainty of "swinging between the heaven gate and the hell gate"--the struggle between self-love and the alluring love of the world; and of the self-abandoning, seemingly impossible love for God.
History is partly looking from eternity upon the final decisions of men; yet the past is also in a present and undetermined state--there is a hidden and final determination of each ending that shall make the unbalanced and incomplete things fair.
Reading a story of a struggling soul feels like trying to "hold water in your hand", or praying for an baby to be born...left not knowing the outcome, and wondering if it is might be your own.
And this not just a story of one soul, but of many, of nations, and even in a strange way--the world.
I don't know how long it's going to take to recover, I do feel so strange and unbalanced between being disturbed and content, between depressed and hopeful...
Earlier I wrote of Brother Lawrence's consolation to his troubled soul to decide that his eternity could not interfere with his present decision to love and follow God. Yet now I am troubled about those whose souls have passed away and about whose eternity I do not know...
I somehow have slight unbalance between my reason and the feelings of my intuition...I feel that somehow the story of one soul is the story of many--and even perhaps of the whole world. There are a few past souls who seem clear--like past emptiness and past completion; yet there are so many, who press our hearts with the sympathetic uncertainty of "swinging between the heaven gate and the hell gate"--the struggle between self-love and the alluring love of the world; and of the self-abandoning, seemingly impossible love for God.
History is partly looking from eternity upon the final decisions of men; yet the past is also in a present and undetermined state--there is a hidden and final determination of each ending that shall make the unbalanced and incomplete things fair.
Reading a story of a struggling soul feels like trying to "hold water in your hand", or praying for an baby to be born...left not knowing the outcome, and wondering if it is might be your own.
And this not just a story of one soul, but of many, of nations, and even in a strange way--the world.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Lent 32
Here are a few conversations with Brother Lawrence (a french-german friar 1610-1691)
From Practicing the Presence of God, a pamphlet created by his letters after his death.
--parts of a conversation with Brother Lawrence an archbishop recounted:
He [Brother Lawrence] said he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that
he should be damned. All the men in the world could not have persuaded
him to the contrary. This trouble of mind had lasted four years during
which time he had suffered much.
Finally he reasoned: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God.
I have endeavored to act only for Him. Whatever becomes
of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely
for the love of God.
I shall have this good at least that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.
From that time on Brother Lawrence lived his life in perfect liberty and continual joy.
He placed his sins between himself and God to tell Him that he did not deserve
His favors yet God still continued to bestow them in abundance.
-- part of Brother Lawrence's letter to a superior:
"In conversation some days ago a devout person told me the spiritual life
was a life of grace, which begins with servile fear, which is increased
by hope of eternal life, and which is consummated by pure love; that
each of these states had its different steps, by which one arrives at
last at that blessed consummation.
I have not followed these methods at all. On the contrary, I
instinctively felt they would discourage me. Instead, at my entrance
into religious life, I took a resolution to give myself up to God as
the best satisfaction I could make for my sins and, for the love of Him,
to renounce all besides."
From Practicing the Presence of God, a pamphlet created by his letters after his death.
--parts of a conversation with Brother Lawrence an archbishop recounted:
He [Brother Lawrence] said he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that
he should be damned. All the men in the world could not have persuaded
him to the contrary. This trouble of mind had lasted four years during
which time he had suffered much.
Finally he reasoned: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God.
I have endeavored to act only for Him. Whatever becomes
of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely
for the love of God.
I shall have this good at least that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.
From that time on Brother Lawrence lived his life in perfect liberty and continual joy.
He placed his sins between himself and God to tell Him that he did not deserve
His favors yet God still continued to bestow them in abundance.
-- part of Brother Lawrence's letter to a superior:
"In conversation some days ago a devout person told me the spiritual life
was a life of grace, which begins with servile fear, which is increased
by hope of eternal life, and which is consummated by pure love; that
each of these states had its different steps, by which one arrives at
last at that blessed consummation.
I have not followed these methods at all. On the contrary, I
instinctively felt they would discourage me. Instead, at my entrance
into religious life, I took a resolution to give myself up to God as
the best satisfaction I could make for my sins and, for the love of Him,
to renounce all besides."
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lent day 29
Last week I memorized psalm 27 "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?" and re-memorized psalm 119: Beth "How can a young man keep his way pure?"
Since it was my spring break, I was working (i.e. laundry, cleaning & organizing room, darning about 15 socks, gardening, and pruning branches...) every day except Saturday, and then had to usher to a concert that night and then get up early in the morning for church, and then rush to usher another concert, visit a friend in the hospital, etc.
At my boarding house the favorite comment on one's busy day is the scriptural reference "no rest for the wicked!"
March 21 was the 5th Sunday of Lent... and apparently the biggest healthcare bill in American history just passed...I found out about this on Monday and was plunged into temporary darkness and despair... but I do not think discernment is enough to allow oneself the temptation to fear, despair, or anger. Discernment, like good looks and smarts and a nice family are not what G-d demands of us, but what He gave us. So how can I respond? what do I say? That I am nothing. I have nothing. I have no right to despair or fear or hate, but have every cause to pursue righteousness... If this world is rotting, Christ says it is because the salt has lost its flavor.
My greatest temptation in the past 5 years has been to think that my mind is my own. It is not; yet this is a great struggle and temptation for me. If I cannot save the world through great power now, then I must save the world by my weakness...by overcoming the little temptations and hardships that threaten to undo me. I have been reading Brother Lawrence and now St. Therese of Liseux and have been listening to pastor Wurmbrand and Corrie ten Boom...they are all saints of greatness because of their smallness, not just Therese and Brother Lawrence, but also Corrie and Richard, not because they saved 800 Jews or smuggled Bibles or saved 1000 souls, or survived Nazi concentration camps or 14 years of communist prison and torture, but because through their weakness and offering to G-d through "the little way" they have overcome the world.
Greatness and smallness, power and weakness, riches and poverty, are nothing in this present world...they belong to the eternal world. Therefore we will not fear or be discouraged--take heart! Christ has overcome the world. Amen.
Since it was my spring break, I was working (i.e. laundry, cleaning & organizing room, darning about 15 socks, gardening, and pruning branches...) every day except Saturday, and then had to usher to a concert that night and then get up early in the morning for church, and then rush to usher another concert, visit a friend in the hospital, etc.
At my boarding house the favorite comment on one's busy day is the scriptural reference "no rest for the wicked!"
March 21 was the 5th Sunday of Lent... and apparently the biggest healthcare bill in American history just passed...I found out about this on Monday and was plunged into temporary darkness and despair... but I do not think discernment is enough to allow oneself the temptation to fear, despair, or anger. Discernment, like good looks and smarts and a nice family are not what G-d demands of us, but what He gave us. So how can I respond? what do I say? That I am nothing. I have nothing. I have no right to despair or fear or hate, but have every cause to pursue righteousness... If this world is rotting, Christ says it is because the salt has lost its flavor.
My greatest temptation in the past 5 years has been to think that my mind is my own. It is not; yet this is a great struggle and temptation for me. If I cannot save the world through great power now, then I must save the world by my weakness...by overcoming the little temptations and hardships that threaten to undo me. I have been reading Brother Lawrence and now St. Therese of Liseux and have been listening to pastor Wurmbrand and Corrie ten Boom...they are all saints of greatness because of their smallness, not just Therese and Brother Lawrence, but also Corrie and Richard, not because they saved 800 Jews or smuggled Bibles or saved 1000 souls, or survived Nazi concentration camps or 14 years of communist prison and torture, but because through their weakness and offering to G-d through "the little way" they have overcome the world.
Greatness and smallness, power and weakness, riches and poverty, are nothing in this present world...they belong to the eternal world. Therefore we will not fear or be discouraged--take heart! Christ has overcome the world. Amen.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Though the mountains be moved
46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Lent day 25: Crossing
Yesterday I watched this really sad movie about North Korea called Crossing. I'm afraid all my little relatives were a little traumatized... But I do recommend it of course, considering that it is the first of its kind to talk about North Korea. The Voice of the Martyrs magazine says it is not very violent, though this is obviously comparative to reality, especially if you know or read anything about North Korea and communist concentration camps, which I have. If you have, than I think you would find this movie subtle, sweet, and sad. (I refrain from saying sentimental because I think sentimental implies a happier ending.) If you haven't read anything about North Korea or concentration camps than I think that you may find this film a little disturbing and depressing.
I think what makes movies so bittersweet and sentimental is because as a movie, it can only give a fraction of reality, and though reality can be much more ugly, reality somehow is able to be 3-D, giving you a dimension into the eternal in much better terms...That is, just as relieving as it is that no real actors got killed or tortured, you are not able to have the true ability to see eternally, because real faith and power only comes in great need--not on a camera set... (of course I am not suggesting torturing actors because it is like testing quantum mechanics)
Like quantum mechanics, faith is hard to experiment on... Doesn't it say "You shall not test the Lord your God"? So we are only able to give some of the ugliness, and part of the beauty--which is hard to satisfy because ugliness is easy to test and ask for, but beauty--true beauty is a little harder.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
23rd midnight...
4th Sunday of Lent: psalm 14 "The fool says in his heart 'there is no God'"
Monday: psalm 150 "praise the lord. praise God in His sanctuary, praise Him in His mighty heavens" ...
praise Him with trumpet blast,
praise Him with lute and harp,
praise Him with tambourine and dance,
praise Him with strings and pipe,
praise Him with loud cymbals and crashing cymbals;
let everything that has breath praise the Lord"
good night.
Monday: psalm 150 "praise the lord. praise God in His sanctuary, praise Him in His mighty heavens" ...
praise Him with trumpet blast,
praise Him with lute and harp,
praise Him with tambourine and dance,
praise Him with strings and pipe,
praise Him with loud cymbals and crashing cymbals;
let everything that has breath praise the Lord"
good night.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Lent day 20
The weather was shockingly warm today. I recited all my psalms that I know outside the library as the sun set. I'm re-memorizing psalm 51 "Have mercy on me O God", which is one of the last psalms that I memorized before this Lent. I think I memorized this one when I was 12, and it was in the NIV of course. Anyway, all my reciting made me feel like a tibetan monk...at least I think that's what all the passersby assumed.
Ah, but it felt glorious to meditate, study, and fight in one sitting. I believe in the power of words, state-of-consciousness & physical prostration/genuflection, as well as in righteousness--zedek & zichut, and holiness--chabad. Righteousness is partly our own doing and deeds like zichut, but I realize also not our own choosing (sins of your fathers etc.)
I have little or no knowledge of how to obtain the chabad, but that it is generally not of our choosing--Did Ezekiel choose the coals, or Elijah the fire? Yet it requires willingness, as
the mother of our Lord said, “let it be to me according to your word.”
and it says that a sword shall pierce her heart so that "thoughts from many hearts may be revealed". Holiness is power, but it appears to come only through great pain and suffering...
Do I believe one may attain holiness by pain and suffering? I do not know if suffering and pain are alone sufficient to attain the power and the glory--the chabad--if I am not utterly confusing the treasures of the kingdom of G-d...
I only know that I seek and must seek these ever-present un-attainables, I must seek transcendence through obedience, knowledge, long-suffering and everlasting peace.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Ah, but it felt glorious to meditate, study, and fight in one sitting. I believe in the power of words, state-of-consciousness & physical prostration/genuflection, as well as in righteousness--zedek & zichut, and holiness--chabad. Righteousness is partly our own doing and deeds like zichut, but I realize also not our own choosing (sins of your fathers etc.)
I have little or no knowledge of how to obtain the chabad, but that it is generally not of our choosing--Did Ezekiel choose the coals, or Elijah the fire? Yet it requires willingness, as
the mother of our Lord said, “let it be to me according to your word.”
and it says that a sword shall pierce her heart so that "thoughts from many hearts may be revealed". Holiness is power, but it appears to come only through great pain and suffering...
Do I believe one may attain holiness by pain and suffering? I do not know if suffering and pain are alone sufficient to attain the power and the glory--the chabad--if I am not utterly confusing the treasures of the kingdom of G-d...
I only know that I seek and must seek these ever-present un-attainables, I must seek transcendence through obedience, knowledge, long-suffering and everlasting peace.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Lent day 18
I am busy studying today, but here is the count so far:
1st Sunday of Lent: psalms 2, 3, 4, 8, 121,
2nd Sunday of Lent: psalms 13, 11, 91
3rd Sunday of Lent: psalms 12, 19
The ones I already know previous to Lent not included are ps. 23, 1, 103.
(I re-memorized 121, 13, 91, 19.)
Last night I couldn't go to sleep very well because I drank some coffee and the neighbors bright green outdoor porch light was on. I tried reciting every single psalm I knew, and then tried tapping psalm 23 in morse code...(yes the coffee obviously affected me--my chest felt tight.)
Then I started preaching a sermon (in my head of course) reflecting on these words.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
----Deutoronomy 6:4-9
and one of my favorite books that my Dad read to me when I was younger.
"remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs, Nothing else matters." ----The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
1st Sunday of Lent: psalms 2, 3, 4, 8, 121,
2nd Sunday of Lent: psalms 13, 11, 91
3rd Sunday of Lent: psalms 12, 19
The ones I already know previous to Lent not included are ps. 23, 1, 103.
(I re-memorized 121, 13, 91, 19.)
Last night I couldn't go to sleep very well because I drank some coffee and the neighbors bright green outdoor porch light was on. I tried reciting every single psalm I knew, and then tried tapping psalm 23 in morse code...(yes the coffee obviously affected me--my chest felt tight.)
Then I started preaching a sermon (in my head of course) reflecting on these words.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
----Deutoronomy 6:4-9
and one of my favorite books that my Dad read to me when I was younger.
"remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs, Nothing else matters." ----The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
Monday, March 8, 2010
Lent day 17
Sunday I memorized psalm 12 during the sermon. (I heard it was a good sermon--oops! oh well.)
"Save O Lord, for the godly one is gone, for the faithful have vanished from the children of man."
and today I re-memorized psalm 19 "the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies above proclaim the work of His hands."
Today is lovely weather. I have 2 exams this week... Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the chronicles of Mr. Toad, which inevitably will be continued.
I also like some adorable lines in Peter Pan "two is the beginning of the end", Beatrix Potter's books, and children's books that I couldn't appreciate or understand as a child but now am infatuated with now that I am older. (hmm...I think I said that before. maybe I am getting older.)
"Save O Lord, for the godly one is gone, for the faithful have vanished from the children of man."
and today I re-memorized psalm 19 "the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies above proclaim the work of His hands."
Today is lovely weather. I have 2 exams this week... Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the chronicles of Mr. Toad, which inevitably will be continued.
I also like some adorable lines in Peter Pan "two is the beginning of the end", Beatrix Potter's books, and children's books that I couldn't appreciate or understand as a child but now am infatuated with now that I am older. (hmm...I think I said that before. maybe I am getting older.)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Lent 16: Toad's obvious consequences
To my dear friends who are having difficulty during this Lent
regarding temptation...
'There cannot be any harm,' he
said to himself, 'in my only just LOOKING at it!'
The car stood in the middle of the yard, quite unattended, the
stable-helps and other hangers-on being all at their dinner. Toad walked
slowly round it, inspecting, criticising, musing deeply.
'I wonder,' he said to himself presently, 'I wonder if this sort of car
STARTS easily?'
Next moment, hardly knowing how it came about, he found he had hold of
the handle and was turning it. As the familiar sound broke forth, the
old passion seized on Toad and completely mastered him, body and soul.
As if in a dream he found himself, somehow, seated in the driver's seat;
as if in a dream, he pulled the lever and swung the car round the yard
and out through the archway; and, as if in a dream, all sense of
right and wrong, all fear of obvious consequences, seemed temporarily
suspended. He increased his pace, and as the car devoured the street
and leapt forth on the high road through the open country, he was only
conscious that he was Toad once more, Toad at his best and highest, Toad
the terror, the traffic-queller, the Lord of the lone trail, before whom
all must give way or be smitten into nothingness and everlasting night.
He chanted as he flew, and the car responded with sonorous drone; the
miles were eaten up under him as he sped he knew not whither, fulfilling
his instincts, living his hour, reckless of what might come to him.
* * * * * *
'To my mind,' observed the Chairman of the Bench of Magistrates
cheerfully, 'the ONLY difficulty that presents itself in this otherwise
very clear case is, how we can possibly make it sufficiently hot for the
incorrigible rogue and hardened ruffian whom we see cowering in the
dock before us. Let me see: he has been found guilty, on the clearest
evidence, first, of stealing a valuable motor-car; secondly, of driving
to the public danger; and, thirdly, of gross impertinence to the rural
police. Mr. Clerk, will you tell us, please, what is the very stiffest
penalty we can impose for each of these offences? Without, of course,
giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt, because there isn't any.'
--The Wind in the Willows, 1908, Kenneth Grahame
Friday, March 5, 2010
Lent 15: The difficulty in keeping secrets
Perhaps you should know that there has been a great fad at my boarding house, of the literary kind, of the aforementioned Mr. Toad. There are always books with delightful witticisms, and currently Kenneth Grahame's book The Wind in the Willows takes the place of the "most quoted book of the month" award.
This has been the quote about secrets...
'There, there!' went on the Badger, more kindly. 'Never mind. Stop
crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and turn over a
new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The stoats are on guard,
at every point, and they make the best sentinels in the world. It's
quite useless to think of attacking the place. They're too strong for
us.'
'Then it's all over,' sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa cushions. 'I
shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my dear Toad Hall any
more!'
'Come, cheer up, Toady!' said the Badger. 'There are more ways of
getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said my last
word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret.'
Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense attraction
for him, because he never could keep one, and he enjoyed the sort of
unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went and told another animal,
after having faithfully promised not to.
'There--is--an--underground--passage,' said the Badger, impressively,
'that leads from the river-bank, quite near here, right up into the
middle of Toad Hall.'
'O, nonsense! Badger,' said Toad, rather airily. 'You've been listening
to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses about here. I know
every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out. Nothing of the sort, I do
assure you!'
'My young friend,' said the Badger, with great severity, 'your father,
who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others I know--was
a particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal he wouldn't have
dreamt of telling you. He discovered that passage--he didn't make it,
of course; that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live
there--and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it
might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he
showed it to me. "Don't let my son know about it," he said. "He's a good
boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold
his tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to him,
you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before."'
The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it. Toad
was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up immediately,
like the good fellow he was.
This has been the quote about secrets...
'There, there!' went on the Badger, more kindly. 'Never mind. Stop
crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and turn over a
new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The stoats are on guard,
at every point, and they make the best sentinels in the world. It's
quite useless to think of attacking the place. They're too strong for
us.'
'Then it's all over,' sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa cushions. 'I
shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my dear Toad Hall any
more!'
'Come, cheer up, Toady!' said the Badger. 'There are more ways of
getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said my last
word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret.'
Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense attraction
for him, because he never could keep one, and he enjoyed the sort of
unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went and told another animal,
after having faithfully promised not to.
'There--is--an--underground--passage,' said the Badger, impressively,
'that leads from the river-bank, quite near here, right up into the
middle of Toad Hall.'
'O, nonsense! Badger,' said Toad, rather airily. 'You've been listening
to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses about here. I know
every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out. Nothing of the sort, I do
assure you!'
'My young friend,' said the Badger, with great severity, 'your father,
who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others I know--was
a particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal he wouldn't have
dreamt of telling you. He discovered that passage--he didn't make it,
of course; that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live
there--and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it
might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he
showed it to me. "Don't let my son know about it," he said. "He's a good
boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold
his tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to him,
you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before."'
The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it. Toad
was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up immediately,
like the good fellow he was.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Lent day 14
Tuesday: memorized psalm 11 "In the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul 'flee like a bird to your mountain'? For behold, the wicked bend the bow...if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? The Lord dwells in his holy temple, the Lord's throne is in heaven..."
Wednesday: reviewing psalm 91 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty..."
Thursday/Today: I have alot of exams and studying to do...
Wednesday: reviewing psalm 91 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty..."
Thursday/Today: I have alot of exams and studying to do...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lenten season: a truly altered toad
To all dear fellow sufferers who are practicing humility this Lent:
"Then he heaved a deep sigh; a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hairbrush in the water-jug, parted his hair in the
middle, and plastered it down very straight and sleek on each side of
his face; and, unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the drawing-room.
All the animals cheered when he entered, and crowded round to
congratulate him and say nice things about his courage, and his
cleverness, and his fighting qualities; but Toad only smiled faintly,
and murmured, 'Not at all!' Or, sometimes, for a change, 'On the
contrary!' Otter, who was standing on the hearthrug, describing to an
admiring circle of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his arm round Toad's
neck, and tried to take him round the room in triumphal progress; but
Toad, in a mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently, as he
disengaged himself, 'Badger's was the mastermind; the Mole and the Water
Rat bore the brunt of the fighting; I merely served in the ranks and did
little or nothing.' The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback
by this unexpected attitude of his; and Toad felt, as he moved from one
guest to the other, making his modest responses, that he was an object
of absorbing interest to every one.
The Badger had ordered everything of the best, and the banquet was a
great success. There was much talking and laughter and chaff among the
animals, but through it all Toad, who of course was in the chair, looked
down his nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at the Badger and the Rat,
and always when he looked they were staring at each other with their
mouths open; and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got whispering
to each other that things were not so amusing as they used to be in the
good old days; and there were some knockings on the table and cries of
'Toad! Speech! Speech from Toad! Song! Mr. Toad's song!' But Toad only
shook his head gently, raised one paw in mild protest, and, by pressing
delicacies on his guests, by topical small-talk, and by earnest
inquiries after members of their families not yet old enough to appear
at social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner was
being run on strictly conventional lines.
He was indeed an altered Toad!"
--From The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
"Then he heaved a deep sigh; a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hairbrush in the water-jug, parted his hair in the
middle, and plastered it down very straight and sleek on each side of
his face; and, unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the drawing-room.
All the animals cheered when he entered, and crowded round to
congratulate him and say nice things about his courage, and his
cleverness, and his fighting qualities; but Toad only smiled faintly,
and murmured, 'Not at all!' Or, sometimes, for a change, 'On the
contrary!' Otter, who was standing on the hearthrug, describing to an
admiring circle of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his arm round Toad's
neck, and tried to take him round the room in triumphal progress; but
Toad, in a mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently, as he
disengaged himself, 'Badger's was the mastermind; the Mole and the Water
Rat bore the brunt of the fighting; I merely served in the ranks and did
little or nothing.' The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback
by this unexpected attitude of his; and Toad felt, as he moved from one
guest to the other, making his modest responses, that he was an object
of absorbing interest to every one.
The Badger had ordered everything of the best, and the banquet was a
great success. There was much talking and laughter and chaff among the
animals, but through it all Toad, who of course was in the chair, looked
down his nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at the Badger and the Rat,
and always when he looked they were staring at each other with their
mouths open; and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got whispering
to each other that things were not so amusing as they used to be in the
good old days; and there were some knockings on the table and cries of
'Toad! Speech! Speech from Toad! Song! Mr. Toad's song!' But Toad only
shook his head gently, raised one paw in mild protest, and, by pressing
delicacies on his guests, by topical small-talk, and by earnest
inquiries after members of their families not yet old enough to appear
at social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner was
being run on strictly conventional lines.
He was indeed an altered Toad!"
--From The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
Monday, March 1, 2010
2nd week of Lent: day 11
on Friday I was in the ballet dressing room for a concert trying to re-memorize psalm 13. All the round bulbs and mirrors made me disoriented and a stranger, as if I was in some sort of space-ship evading time and place. Anyway, on Sunday I finished re-memorizing it in the ESV, even though I did memorize this in the NIV when I was 7. (I remember my mom commenting on perhaps memorizing a more cheerful psalm? Of course I had already triumphantly picked this one out, as I had recognized its value as a psalm of more "deep" and "profound" thought. (My mother picked out psalm 121 for me to memorize.) Why do parents always think children as incapable of the vast, internal struggle of the soul?)
Compare NIV v2"wrestle with my thoughts" and 4v"foes rejoice when I fall" to the following:
Psalm 13.
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Compare NIV v2"wrestle with my thoughts" and 4v"foes rejoice when I fall" to the following:
Psalm 13.
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
8th day
I re-memorized psalm 121 today. I confess I memorized it in the NIV when I was about 7 years old, so it's hard to undo. The key differences of NIV vs ESV in this psalm are "watch over" vs. "keep" and "harm" vs. "evil." Here's the ESV anyway.
psalm 121
psalm 121
121:1 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
day 7
So this is the 7th day of Lent. I don't know about my spiritual progress; I have been noticing this week that I have critical thoughts of fellow classmates...but maybe it's more of an indication of wasted time than anything else. It's also amazing how much little things like food and sleep affect disposition--but I will not make excuse. I have decided that I must ignore all shallow thoughts of pride. Last night I decided my wisdom was shallow and lacking, therefore I apologize to all who has suffered from my remedies... I know nothing, I speak words of vanity, full of arrogance and conceit. There are wells of wisdom in silences that are not contained in the babbling brook of words. Buddhists do not have everything wrong, but I prefer Wurmbrand.
Here is the psalm I memorized for today. ESV. Psalm 8.
8:1 O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
2 Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.
3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings [2]
and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet,
7 all sheep and oxen,
and also the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
Here is the psalm I memorized for today. ESV. Psalm 8.
8:1 O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
2 Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.
3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings [2]
and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet,
7 all sheep and oxen,
and also the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Lent: day 6
it is currently the 6th day of Lent not counting Sunday as Sundays are usually not counted. I am counting Ash Wednesday as the first day of Lent. hmm...the calender just tells me it is the first week in Lent.
Anyway, I am memorizing psalms.
First Sunday of Lent: Psalms 2 & 3
Monday: Psalm 4
Tuesday/Today: trying not to mix them up. (which can be easy to do with 3 & 4 since they both talk about sleep.)
Here is Psalm 4 (esv)
1 Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!
2 O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame?
How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Selah
3 But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.
4 Be angry, and do not sin;
ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah
5 Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.
6 There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”
7 You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and wine abound.
8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Anyway, I am memorizing psalms.
First Sunday of Lent: Psalms 2 & 3
Monday: Psalm 4
Tuesday/Today: trying not to mix them up. (which can be easy to do with 3 & 4 since they both talk about sleep.)
Here is Psalm 4 (esv)
1 Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!
2 O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame?
How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Selah
3 But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.
4 Be angry, and do not sin;
ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah
5 Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.
6 There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”
7 You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and wine abound.
8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
entry: Lent day 4
wednesday 1: considered giving up over-sleeping, but decided this wouldn't be necessary with continuation of studies--giving up snack machines instead which I am addicted to as I don't pack lunch or eat out...
thursday2: considered giving up swearing, and then promptly broke all records for the year. Had to rehearse for some memorial out of my Christian charity (no pay) twice longer than usual during the school break. Endured a 40 minute short Calvinist sermon on the predestination of G-d for allowing evil to happen. Some friend brought us to the front row, and I didn't know how to exit gracefully. I was about an hour late for a neighborly responsibility for their pets, and was praying wall tiles. ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner" and "forgive me for my anger--give me love" prayers etc.)
fridayday3: swore less.
saturday4: pondering the essences of a Christian...still want to quit using any form of ejaculation or exclamation. To quote Laura Ingalls Wilder, an adult must never show surprise...
thursday2: considered giving up swearing, and then promptly broke all records for the year. Had to rehearse for some memorial out of my Christian charity (no pay) twice longer than usual during the school break. Endured a 40 minute short Calvinist sermon on the predestination of G-d for allowing evil to happen. Some friend brought us to the front row, and I didn't know how to exit gracefully. I was about an hour late for a neighborly responsibility for their pets, and was praying wall tiles. ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner" and "forgive me for my anger--give me love" prayers etc.)
fridayday3: swore less.
saturday4: pondering the essences of a Christian...still want to quit using any form of ejaculation or exclamation. To quote Laura Ingalls Wilder, an adult must never show surprise...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Ash Wednesday
Luke 4:1 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness 2 for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry.
Genesis 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate
Deuteronomy 8:2 And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. 3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
...16 who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. 17 Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ 18 You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. 19 And if you forget the Lord your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. 20 Like the nations that the Lord makes to perish before you, so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the Lord your God.
Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
...13 It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. 14 You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— 15 for the Lord your God in your midst is a jealous God—lest the anger of the Lord your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth.
16 “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test, as you tested him at Massah. 17 You shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, and his testimonies and his statutes, which he has commanded you. 18 And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you, and that you may go in and take possession of the good land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers 19 by thrusting out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has promised.
Luke 4:13 And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.
Genesis4:19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
Genesis 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate
Deuteronomy 8:2 And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. 3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
...16 who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. 17 Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ 18 You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. 19 And if you forget the Lord your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. 20 Like the nations that the Lord makes to perish before you, so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the Lord your God.
Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
...13 It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. 14 You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— 15 for the Lord your God in your midst is a jealous God—lest the anger of the Lord your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth.
16 “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test, as you tested him at Massah. 17 You shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, and his testimonies and his statutes, which he has commanded you. 18 And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you, and that you may go in and take possession of the good land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers 19 by thrusting out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has promised.
Luke 4:13 And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.
Genesis4:19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
Monday, February 8, 2010
Cheap Grace
Let the Christian rest content with his worldliness and with this renunciation of any higher standard than the world. He is living for the sake of the world rather than for the sake of grace. Let him be comforted and rest assured in his possession of this grace - for grace alone does everything. Instead of following Christ, let the Christian enjoy the consolations of his grace!
That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sins departs.
Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession.
Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.
Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble, it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.
Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must the asked for, the door at which a man must knock.
Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: “ye were bought at a price, and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us.
Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.
---Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=20735
That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sins departs.
Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession.
Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.
Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble, it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.
Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must the asked for, the door at which a man must knock.
Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: “ye were bought at a price, and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us.
Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.
---Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=20735
Monday, January 18, 2010
zedekim
listen to the righteous ones! They are full of beauty, love, and joy.
These are saints who do not speak words from air, but who give words from the flesh of their hearts...for the word is made flesh and dwelt among us and has filled our hearts of joy, not of stone but of flesh...
these are all free downloads in mp3 and a few movies
also check youtube
here is Richard Wurmbrand's. He is beautiful fiery Jew...14 yrs in prison and communist torture
Richard Wurmbrand - SermonIndex.net audio sermons
and here is Corrie Ten Boom's. She is a beautiful fiery Dutch...2yrs in prison and concentration camps, saved hundreds of Jews...
Corrie Ten Boom - SermonIndex.net audio sermons
and if you want to hear what usually cheers me up on Sunday mornings
listen to this fiery Indian preacher
Ravi Zacharias International Ministries :: Let My People Think Radio Program
These are saints who do not speak words from air, but who give words from the flesh of their hearts...for the word is made flesh and dwelt among us and has filled our hearts of joy, not of stone but of flesh...
these are all free downloads in mp3 and a few movies
also check youtube
here is Richard Wurmbrand's. He is beautiful fiery Jew...14 yrs in prison and communist torture
Richard Wurmbrand - SermonIndex.net audio sermons
and here is Corrie Ten Boom's. She is a beautiful fiery Dutch...2yrs in prison and concentration camps, saved hundreds of Jews...
Corrie Ten Boom - SermonIndex.net audio sermons
and if you want to hear what usually cheers me up on Sunday mornings
listen to this fiery Indian preacher
Ravi Zacharias International Ministries :: Let My People Think Radio Program
Saturday, January 16, 2010
+
"Let nothing disturb thee; Let nothing dismay thee; All thing pass; God never changes.
Patience attains All that it strives for. He who has God finds he lacks nothing: God alone suffices."
--st. Theresa of Avila
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